Kirstie Alley’s Weight-Loss Program Is Not A Front For Scientology

Scientology’s answer to your crazy aunt who bitches how she needs to loser her lonjas before biting into a Zinger was on Today this morning to whore out her new reality show about being fat and her new weight-loss program called Organic Liaisons. Fun fact: “Organic Liaisons” is also what Gwyneth Paltrow calls masturbation.

Organic Liaisons has been accused of being a front for Scientology, because their corporate office is based in Clearwater, FL, which is where the Church of Suri’s High Heels is also based. Also several high-ranking Scientology members sit on the board of Organic Liaisons.

This morning, Meredith Vieira asked Kristie if it was true that L. Ron Hubbard’s frozen jizz juice is the secret ingredient in Organic Liaisons. Kirstie said, “It’s such bullshit. It’s not true. It’s not true. I’m the top executive. The address in Clearwater is my accountant, and he’s a Scientology Jew. I don’t know what to say to it.” Kirsie went on to deny that Scientology gets a cut of Organic Liaisons’ profits, “No, they don’t. I’m way too cheap to do that.”

You know what Meredith forgot to ask? She forgot to ask Kirstie for proof that Organic Liaisons actually works! I’m sure it will make you feel less GLIB, but will it melt your chunk?! Maybe I’m on too many anti-depressants, but Kirstie looks like she’s been eating donut pills, not weight-loss pills. Bitch is still fat!

I mean, taking weight-loss advice from Kirstie Alley is like taking classes in tact and etiquette from Rielle Hunter.