Molly Ringwald Is Knocked Up With Twins!

January 24, 2009 / Posted by:

This news makes me happy only because I get to use this For Keeps? poster. FINALLY. Nobody ever talks about that shit. They always bust nuts over Sixteen Candles, Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink and Townies. I wasn’t serious about the last one. But I am serious about For Keeps? I mean, the movie has Molly Ringwald suffering from post-partum depression, the film debut of Pauly Shore, Conchata Ferrell and a local slut named Michaela (that shit excited me because we almost have the same name). Perfect. And if I got an STD for every time someone told me, “Young lady you need to learn how to keep your mouth shut and your legs crossed!,” I’d be Parasite Hilton!

Anyway, Molly tells People that she has two babies laid up in her womb. One has a penis and the other has a vagina. She already has a 5-year-old daughter named Mathilda with husband Panio Gianopoulos. She’s pushing her twins out in August.

It is Molly’s duty AS Molly Ringwald to name her twins Darcy and Stan after For Keeps?. Or maybe Theodore and Theodosia after the baby’s name in that shit. She has to.

And isn’t it weird that Molly Ringwald is old now with a family and shit? She’s one of those people that should never have been allowed to get old. She should be forever sixteen.

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