Brad Pitt grew a horizontal landing strip for that “Inglourious Basterds” movie and it makes him look exactly like my elementary school music teacher. I hated that cunt.
Every Monday, we would get on the music bus and practice our instruments. I played the clarinet. One day, my music teacher told me to stop playing in front of the whole class. Actually, he screamed it like the supreme asshole he was. Then he shouted at me, “I bet you can’t even blow your nose right. You’re awful!” I left the bus and never went back. If only he could see my blowing skills now! That dumb bitch! Anyway, it’s hard for me to look at these pictures of Maddox’s daddy in NYC without thinking of that fugly ass music teacher!
In other holy family news, Brad was a guest on “The God Show (aka Oprah)” on Wednesday (it airs Nov. 18). According to TheseBootsAreMadeForStalking, during the interview, Oprah told Brad that Saint Angelina is the “love of his life.” Oprah then asked if this is the happiest he’s ever been. He said, “Dare I say.” Oprah replied, “Dare I see.”
DARE I GROSS! I would’ve shaved off my precious eyebrows if he said “no.” And if he said “no,” we would’ve all gone deaf from the powerful screams coming out of Jennifer Aniston’s mouth.