John Mayer Will Give You The Best Sex Of Your Life

This isn’t the first time that we’ve heard that John Mayer will have your coochie screaming “mercy!!” It’s already been rumored that his dick is major and that he knows how to fuck. A “friend” of John’s backed up these claims to OK! Magazine.

The “friend” said, “John is good in bed. Not just good, but sensational. Every girl I know who has slept with John says it was the best sex of their life. I’m not sure what exactly he does in bed, but after girls sleep with him, they’re ruined. They get totally hung up on him and want more! Whatever John’s secret is, he should market it. He could retire from the music industry.”

Hmmmm…I know which “friend” said this. Rachel Green! We get it, Jen. You’re fucking John Mayer and the sex is fantastic. Good for you. Give yourself a hug. You don’t have to remind us anymore, so you can go back to sticking pins in your Angie Jolie voodoo doll.

Not only is Douche Mayer a master at sexy times, he’s also a comedian! He left a pharmacy with the words “experimental human growth hormones” written on his bag. Oh John, save it for the sack.