The Mole

May 21, 2008 / Posted by:

This is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard. The R. Kelly child porno case is underway and opening statements began yesterday. R. Kelly’s lawyers also revealed their defense: A MOLE!!!! No, not the cute, furry creature with no eyes. I’m talking about the kind of mole that sits on your body like dead caca.

Kelly’s lawyers showed jurors police photos of a dark, caterpillar-shaped mole in the middle of his back. His lawyers told jurors that the man in sex videotape does not have a mole. Case closed! R. Kelly deserves a hug and a gift basket for the inconvenience.

Prosectors allege Kelly made the sex tape 10 years ago with a 13-year-old girl. Kelly claims it’s not him. His lawyer said the victim is “a wonderful person,” but he claimed the girl on the tape is a hooker. His lawyer said, “The woman on that tape, was paid with money — she is a prostitute.

The video shows a girl accepting money from the dude before performing oral on him. She dances, naked, to a Backstreet Boys song. She pisses. She calls him “Daddy” while they have sex. Later, the dude pisses and cums on her. Backstreet Boys?! I DON’T want it that way.

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