Serena Williams Would Like To Clarify Those Comments She Made About Steubenville Rape Case

During an interview with Rolling Stone, Serena Williams spilled out her thoughts about the Steubenville rape case, which was a good thing, because so many of us were aimlessly wandering around the land, not knowing what to think about that case until we heard what Serena Williams’ thoughts about it were. The TV was on during her talk with Rolling Stone and when news about the Steubenville rape case came on, she shook her head and said she wasn’t blaming the victim and then she went on to blame the victim.

“Do you think it was fair, what they got? They did something stupid, but I don’t know. I’m not blaming the girl, but if you’re a 16-year-old and you’re drunk like that, your parents should teach you—don’t take drinks from other people. She’s 16, why was she that drunk where she doesn’t remember? It could have been much worse. She’s lucky. Obviously I don’t know, maybe she wasn’t a virgin, but she shouldn’t have put herself in that position, unless they slipped her something, then that’s different.”

I didn’t know I was related to Serena Williams! One of my relatives (I’m not naming names) once said to me that she went to the club the night before and couldn’t believe how slutty the girls were dressed. They were begging to be raped. My relative was wearing leopard print capri leggings, bronze wedges and a lime green peasant blouse while she said this, so her outfit told me that her closet was begging to be put out of its misery.

After Serena basically said that Heineken should change their tagline to “Drink Responsibly or You’ll Get Raped,” many people screamed at Serena like they were her and she was a linesman official. So Serena wrote up a statement on her website and sort of said that she didn’t really say that:

“What happened in Steubenville was a real shock for me. I was deeply saddened. For someone to be raped, and at only sixteen, is such a horrible tragedy! For both families involved – that of the rape victim and of the accused. I am currently reaching out to the girl’s family to let her know that I am deeply sorry for what was written in the Rolling Stone article. What was written – what I supposedly said – is insensitive and hurtful, and I by no means would say or insinuate that she was at all to blame.

I have fought all of my career for women’s equality, women’s equal rights, respect in their fields – anything I could do to support women I have done. My prayers and support always goes out to the rape victim. In this case, most especially, to an innocent sixteen year old child.”

Rolling Stone says that they have the receipts, because the entire interview was recorded.

Celebwhores using the “I’m sorry if I offended anybody” line was getting boring and predictable, so kudos to Serena Williams for changing it up by saying “…what I supposedly said.” I can’t wait to use that one. “Okay, okay, stop crying, I’m sorry I SUPPOSEDLY called you a dumb cunt.”

Panty Creamer Of The Day: Serena Williams In Miami

I’m always covering Dlisted with heaping servings of dick and man nipples, so finally here’s something for all the hos out there who love it when a pair of steel hard nalgas crack their cheek bones while they’re tossing some lady salad. This is Serena Williams throwing the paps a “My farts has six packs on them too, bitch!” look while jet skiing with her friends in Miami over the weekend.

When I first brought up these pictures, my eyes fell back like DAMN. That ass. That’s an ass that’ll make any shit look for another exit because it knows it can’t conquer that double stuffed mountain. That’s an ass that if you try to bounce a quarter on it, it’ll swallow that quarter and spit out a Quarter Pounder. If you tried to hit that ass from the back, it’ll circumcise you AGAIN and I’m sure you wouldn’t even mind it. When Serena claps that ass, even Zeus sits down and drops his lightning bolt. Bitch ain’t playing around with that ass.

Here’s more of Serena looking like an HGH-taking pit bull in lingerie.

FUCK YES, THE SEQUEL: Serena Williams Is Not The One

Serena Williams took me up, up and away and forced me to worship her as the Grand Asshole Queen of the Court when a priceless “I Will Shove This Ball Down Your Froat“ rage rant came shooting out of her soul at the US Open in 2009 and during yesterday’s women’s final match she gave us the sequel we’ve all been waiting for. It all started when the words “COME ON!” came out of Serena’s mouth at the ball she served to her Samantha Stosur during the first game of the second set. The umpire Eva Asderaki turned on the bitch in Serena when she penalized her with a code violation, giving Samantha the point and the game. And when she turned on Serena’s bitch, she turned on my dreams!

Now, the Serena of 2009 would’ve taken that “COME ON!” ball and threatened to tea bag rape the umpire with it. But the Serena of today is more grown up and understated. So, Serena let her entitled cunt gene simmer a bit before later serving Eva the kind of Mean Girls monologue Suri gives to Stepford Katie when she brings her the wrong high heels from the shoe closet. Gawker transcribed the beautiful aria that would only be true if Serena said it to a mirror:

“If you ever see me walking down the hall, look the other way, because you’re out of control… You’re totally out of control, you’re a hater, and you’re unattractive inside. Who would do such a thing? And I never complain. Wow… We’re in America last I checked. Can I get a water or am I gonna get violated for a water? Really, don’t even look at me! I promise you, don’t look at me, ’cause I am not the one. Don’t look my way.”

Serene (typo that’s only meant to be read with your sarcasm filter on), of course, lost that shit to Samantha and refused to shake hands with Umpire Eva at the end of the game. Afterward, Umpire Eva went home, sat back in the tall chair (yes, they even sit on those tall chairs at home) at her tall dinner table with a glass of red wine and tucked herself in with the image of mad as hell Serena trying to cool off her charbroiled asshole by fanning it in the air:

Yeah, Serena should just project her ass twerkin’ video onto her forehead and nobody will ever look her way and everybody will keep their eyes focused on the sidewalk cracks when they pass her in the hallway. But Serena still gets the game point from me. Bitch used “not the one” this year, which means next year she’ll definitely pull out “I’ve got your number, hussy.” YESSSSS! This is some roid rage I can agree with.