Real From “Real Chance Of Love” And “I Love New York” Has Died Of Cancer

If you’re a fan of VH1 dating shows, this one will hit you harder than a ball of spit hitting New York in the face during Flavor of Love. TMZ says that after a long battle with cancer, Ahmad Givens (aka Real) passed away at the age of 33. Real was diagnosed with colon cancer back in 2013 and things were looking okay after surgery, but the cancer returned in January. He started having trouble with his vision and speech during a family visit on Friday, and he died shortly after.

Real and his brother Kamal Givens (aka Chance) were contestants on the first season of I Love New York, which Chance and Real were the runner-up and 3rd place finishers of. People liked them, so VH1 decided to give them their own dating show, Real Chance of Love, which lasted two seasons. In case you’ve never seen it, I strongly recommend it, if only for the amazing nicknames (one day I hope to have a nickname half as good as “Hot Wings“).

It’s always a dark day when someone who can look that beautiful and majestic while standing on a street corner leaves this world. The world is a little less gorgeous today. On the other hand, I’m sure there are some very nervous angels in Heaven right now. “Did you see the new guy? His hair is always blowing in the wind, even without a wind machine. I can’t compete with that.”

Pic: Instagram

The Voice Of Chuckie Finster, Christine Cavanaugh, Has Died

If you grew up in the 90s, today is the day you crack open that can of Surge or bottle of Orbitz that you’ve been saving since 1997 and pour one out, because a huge piece of your childhood has died. According to an obituary published by the Los Angeles Times today, voice actress Christine Cavanaugh passed away on December 22 at the age of 51 after fighting with cancer for a while.

If you have a working set of ears, you’d definitely be able to identify Christine Cavanaugh’s voice, especially since she was pretty much the voice of everything in the 90s. Christine was most well known for being the voice of Chuckie Finster from Rugrats, but she was also the voice of Babe from the movie Babe, Marty Sherman from The Critic, Dexter from Dexter’s Laboratory, and sometimes she filled in as the voice of Bobby from King of the Hill when Pamela Adlon was busy. She was also an actress too; remember that episode of The X-Files where Mulder and Scully investigate the babies that were born with tails and they talk to that Star Wars-obsessed mom who thought the father of her tail-baby was Luke Skywalker? Christine Cavanaugh was that mom! “Please don’t taint my memory with your nerdiness” says Christine Cavanaugh from a recording booth in Heaven.

And I know Christmas has been over for a while now, but it seems fitting to pay tribute to Christine Cavanaugh by watching this clip of Babe singing Jingle Bells. Singing like a pig AND sounding better than most humans? That’s true talent.

The Last Original Ramone Has Gone To Heaven

This will be very sad news for those of you who ever spent a Friday night in high school in a dank suburban basement watching three of your friends practice “Beat on the Brat” while a girl named Jenny offers to give you a stick-poke tattoo in the laundry room. Variety says that Tommy Ramone, the last original member of the Ramones, has died at the age of 65 after succumbing to bile duct cancer.

Tommy (born name: Erdelyi Tamas) started the Ramones in high school with Johnny Ramone and played drums on their first three albums as well as wrote “I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend” and “Blitzkrieg Bop”, but decided he wanted to focus on studio work and being a producer, so he left the band in 1978 (at which point he was replaced by Lily Tomlin look-alike Marky Ramone).

So now Tommy joins the rest of the original Ramones in Heaven. Joey Ramone was the first to say “Hey ho, let’s go” and flew up in 2001, Dee Dee Ramone died in 2002, and Johnny Ramone followed him in 2004. And now that Joey, Dee Dee, and Johnny have a drummer, they can finally play “Happy Birthday” for Jesus at his birthday party this year.

Don’t rest in peace, Tommy; keep playing as loud and fast as you always did. I hope you get noise complaints every single night from the other angels.

Rik Mayall Has Died

I swear, I will eye-shank the shit out the heartless bastard who dares to make a ‘Drop Dead Fred Dropped Dead’ joke today. British comedian Rik Mayall, the beautiful imaginary insanity ginger of Drop Dead Fred, has flown up to Heaven in a taped jack-in-the-box this morning at the too-young age of 56. No cause of death has been given yet, so if this news is giving you a case of the sads like it gave me, let’s all imagine he died of chronic laughing or acute lovability.

Rik Mayall was probably most famous for Drop Dead Fred, but he’s also pretty well known for playing Rik the anarchist on The Young Ones, which is basically one of the best, most 80’s-looking TV shows you’ll ever see in your life. He also appeared in the Blackadder series, The New Statesman, and starred in Bottom (cut to a disappointed Michael K after he realizes Bottom is a British sitcom).

In 1998, Rik Mayall was seriously injured while riding an ATV (the trampoline of motorized vehicles) and he spent 5 days on life support. Doctors were about to pull the plug on Mayall, but he started showing signs of life, so they kept him alive and he joked:

“I beat Jesus Christ. He was dead for three days at Easter. When I crashed it was the day before Good Friday, Crap Thursday, and I was technically dead until Easter Monday – that’s five days. Jesus was nailed up on Friday and came to on Easter Day. I beat him 5-3.”

I hope it wasn’t awkward when Rik met Jesus this morning. Rest in peace, Rik Mayall.

Dennis Farina Has Died

Dennis Farina, star of Law & Order, Crime Story, Snatch, Luck and a million more movies and TV shows, died this morning in a hospital in Scottsdale, Arizona from a pulmonary embolism. Dennis Farina’s publicist tells AP that he suffered a blood clot in his lung. Dennis was my favorite age, 69.

Dennis, who I didn’t know was a master at the hand-to-face pose (see: picture above), was a Chicago cop for many years before he got the taste for acting when Michael Mann hired him to be a police consultant on the movie Theif. After Thief, which Dennis also had a small role in, he acted in a few plays in Chicago before Michael Mann cast him in Crime Story. Michael and Dennis also worked together on HBO’s Luck and a few episodes of Miami Vice. Long before Laurence Fishburne did it in Hannibal, Dennis Farina played Jack Crawford in Manhunter. Dennis played a detective again when he took over for Jerry Orbach in Law & Order. Dennis also had roles in Out of Sight, That Old Feeling, What Happens in Vegas and Little Big League. And Dennis will forever live on in reruns on Lifetime of Unsolved Mysteries, which he hosted for 2 years.

Dennis is survived by his partner Marianne Cahill, his three sons and his six grandchildren.

Rest in peace, Dennis Farina. You’re now up in heaven, telling the angels to fuck off!

Margaret Thatcher Has Died

Margaret Thatcher (seen above wearing a gorgeous yarn spaghetti side weave) is somewhere in the after world spooning with Ronald Reagan, because she died of a stroke at the age of 87 this morning. Because I only get my highly important international news from the esteemed literary journal The Sun, here’s a piece from their article about the death of the UK’s longest-serving prime minister:

Baroness Thatcher is understood to have died at the Ritz Hotel in London while recuperating after after a minor operation.
Current Prime Minister David Cameron today said: “It was with great sadness that l learned of Lady Thatcher’s death.

“We’ve lost a great leader, a great Prime Minister and a great Briton”.

Buckingham Palace said the Queen was “sad to hear the news”.

The Baroness will receive a ceremonial funeral with military honours at St Paul’s Cathedral followed by a private cremation.

Pour one out for Margaret Thatcher and by “one” I mean a gallon of milk. And if you were born before  1990, pour a morning cocktail into your mouth hole, because you’ll need it to deal with all the young hos who think that Meryl Streep, a Harry Potter character and Cher died today.