Kenya Moore Warned Us All About Phaedra And Apollo’s Shady, Dirty Ways

When I first read about Apollo Nida of The Real Housewives of Atlanta getting busted for allegedly (uh huh) committing bank fraud and identity theft, I expected the National Weather Service to warn everybody to hold down their wigs, because Kenya Moore’s going to twirl out a stage 4 twirlnado after hearing the best news she’s ever heard!

After a long investigation, which started February 2012, Phaedra Parks’ donkey booty deflated when her pretty boy prison piece trophy husband surrendered to federal officials on Thursday night and was charged with doing all sorts of illegal shady shit before he was released on $25,000 bail. The Atlanta Journal Constitution reports that a U.S. Secret Service Agent in the Counterfeit and U.S. Treasury Check Squad discovered that Apollo created fake companies so he could get into the LexisNexis and Equifax databases and find victims to rip the hell off. The shifty bitch went all the way in by opening fake bank accounts under real identities and he “funneled stolen U.S. Treasury checks and auto loan proceeds into those accounts.”

Apollo was ratted out by his accomplice Gayla St. Julien (Note: If that’s not the perfect name for a scheming grifter, I don’t know what is) who was arrested in September. After Apollo stole an identity, Gayla St. Julien, who calls herself Apollo’s “right hand bitch,” pretended to be them to open up bank accounts. After the feds found 40 accounts tied to her, she opened her mouth and sang. Gayla St. Julien claims that Apollo was the mastermind and she made nothing from their schemes compared to what he made. AJC broke down Apollo and Gayla St. Julien’s schemes:

Nida would allegedly steal real people’s identities and have St. Julien pretend to be them to open bank accounts. She would then deposit fraudulent auto loan checks, stolen U.S. Treasury checks, stolen retirement checks issued to Delta Airlines employees, and checks in the names of real people that were owed unclaimed property from various state and federal government agencies, according to the criminal complaint.

He also opened a fake auto dealership (such as Ferrari Autohaus) and apply for auto loans in the names of stolen identities. After the arrest, the agents had St. Julien tape record conversations with Nida in which he explained many of his schemes. At one point, they obtained a federal search warrant of Nida’s vehicle and seized evidence, including a bank debit card in the name of Ferrari Autohaus Inc., cell phones and a laptop computer.

Before Apollo became Phaedra’s trophy husband, he served 5 years in prison for violating federal racketeering laws.

And yesterday, Kenya opened up her fan and let everyone know that she called out Apollo and Phaedra’s dirtiness a long time ago:

Losers never win. I have always seen through ppl and I was the first to tell you last season about these ppl and who they really are. #dirty

— KENYA MOORE (@KenyaMoore) January 25, 2014

First Teresa Giudice and Juicy Joe and now Apollo and Fakedra?! Why would I not be surprised if Droopy Dog Vicki from The Real Housewives of Orange County is busted after the feds find out that she was stealing identities from her insurance company and using them to get loans to fund her exquisite necklace collection?

The RHOA reunion shoots soon, so an enormous dome of shade will cover the entire state of Georgia when Kenya comes for Phaedra. That’s if she doesn’t spontaneously combust from smugness beforehand.

Teresa Giudice And Juicy Joe Each Released On $500,000 Bail

Orange is the New Black’s future cast member Teresa Giudice (or “Teresa Jew Diss” as some reporter on the news said last night) and her husband Not-So-Mighty Joe Young were in a courtroom in Newark, NJ this morning to surrender to federal authorities after they were charged with 39 counts of fraud and overall dumbassery. No word yet if Teresa’s greedy hairline was also charged with grand theft for stealing half of her forehead, turning it into a twohead.

NJ.com says Teresa and Juicy Joe were both released on $500,000 bail each. They both had to surrender their passports and they were told not to leave New Jersey or New York until their next hearing on August 14th. Juicy Joe also has to get drug tested. During the hearing, the judge gave Italy some bad, shitty news. Juicy Joe is not a legal U.S. citizen, so if he’s found guilty, he could be deported back to Italy after serving time here. As Melissa Gorga let out an auto-tuned cackle, the prosecutor listed the maximum prison sentence that those scheming whores could get if they’re convinced. Some counts could get them a maximum of 20 years in the clink and other counts could get them 30 years.

New Jersey’s U.S. Attorney Paul J. Fishman told reporters after the hearing that they haven’t talked about a plea deal situation yet. Juicy Joe’s lawyer kept their lips shut about this mess, but Teresa’s lawyer said that she will plead “not guilty.” You can read the entire 33-page indictment here if you want to know how fucked these two are. But on a positive note, thanks to the layers upon layers of self-tanner (aka sun diarrhea) on Teresa’s skin, she will look glowing and gorgeous in an orange jumpsuit.

Juicy Joe and Teresa’s bond was unsecured, so she didn’t have to grift a bank for the money yet. Actually, she’ll probably take out a fraudulent loan today anyway, because she’s going to need the money to buy black and white Louboutins for prison. And I never noticed this before, but when Teresa pulls her hair back, she looks like she’s wearing a fitted cap made of hair. That IS the look and she should work it in the cell block.

Pics: Wenn