Coming Soon To Bravo: The Real Inmates Of Cell Block C

July 29, 2013 / Posted by:

The sounds of a gorilla’s mournful moans can be heard from all over New Jersey today and that’s because Teresa Giudice and her husband Juicy Joe Giudice were hit with a bunch of fraud and tax charges by a federal grand jury in Newark, NJ. The federal grand jury made Teresa’s Land of the Lost hairline jump to the back of her head this afternoon when they charged them with 39 counts of fraud. says that Teresa and Juicy Joe are accused of defrauding lenders, illegally obtaining mortgages and hiding money during a bankruptcy case. New Jersey’s U.S. Attorney Paul Fishman also said that Juicy Joe made around $1 million from 2004 to 2008, but he didn’t file any taxes. Paul Fishman said in a statement that those lying, scheming whores lied to the IRS, bankruptcy court and told lies to several banks to get mortgages they couldn’t afford. In the indictment, the authorities state that Teresa gave a bank fake W-2 forms and fake pay stubs to get a mortgage for $121,500. Basically, they both did a lot of shady, criminal shit and the IRS has got their number, hussy!

If convicted of all charges, they both could get up to 50 years in the clink and be ordered to pay a mountain of cash in fines.

Teresa shat out this statement right after she was hit with all those charges and she obviously didn’t write a word of this shit because it’s way too coherent:

‚ÄúToday is a most difficult day for our family. I support Joe and, as a wonderful husband and father, I know he wants only the best for our lovely daughters and me. I am committed to my family and intend to maintain our lives in the best way possible, which includes continuing my career. As a result, I am hopeful that we will resolve this matter with the Government as quickly as possible.”

Teresa’s head is really filled with chimp queefs if she thinks that this is all going to go away magically. The IRS does not fuck around and if you owe them money, they will take the last piece of food out of your child’s mouth and cackle while doing it. Teresa better hope that they give her a cell with a purse closet big enough to hold all her $5,000 Celine bags. She should also hope that James Franco, Marky Mark or Charlton Heston’s ghost takes pity upon her and breaks her out of her prison cage.


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