Tell Me Something I Don’t Know

When this picture of the two possum pussies known as Miley Cyrus and Billy Ray Cyrus came out in Vanity Fair, whores (including me) gave the side-eye, because they looked a little toooo close. It’s sprinkled with just a bit of “Incest is a game a whole family play” flavor.

In her new memoir Miles to Go (BARF), 16-year-old Miley addressed the H8RS who think her relationship with her daddy is filed under: Creepy McCreepster. Oh and yeah, Miley has a fucking memoir out. No, it’s not in TXT form. No, it’s not just an article in Highlights. It’s an actual book being released in stores. Mr. Barnes and Mr. Nobles are weeping in their graves.

Miley writes (I need proof she can actually do that), “The media has said some stuff about my dad and me being too close and too cuddly for a father and a daughter. For me and my dad it’s not weird at all. we don’t let other people tell us what expressions we’re supposed to have on our faces when we take a picture together!”

The dumb bitch when on to whine that people who make fun of her are “so full of anger, hatred and bitterness.”

How did Miley get a hold of my medical records?! Anger, hatred and bitterness are the three things my doctor told me I was full of after getting my blood test results. I already know that! But I’d rather be full of those things than caca, chitterlings and Bill Ray’s……….. Okay, okay, I’ll stop right fucking there.

And here’s some pap pictures of Miley and her little sister at their house. No, I don’t think her sister is in an open-eyed coma. She’s just motherfucking miserable! Can you blame her?

Tini Puppini: The Perfect Bratz Replacement

Since a judge ordered that the Bratz dolls be pulled off all the shelves immediately and be sent to rehab, the free clinic or the plastic surgeon’s office, you might be at a loss as to what to get the prostitot in your life this Christmas. Fear not! Tini Puppini is here! This commercial has been playing for a while now, but watching it again reminded me that they make a perfect temporary replacement for Bratz.

I know a skanky dog isn’t the same thing as a skanky doll, but Tini Puppini still teaches the kids and gays what’s important in life: getting your hair done and acting like a dumb ho. Tini Puppini also would’ve been the perfect nickname for my last boyfriend, if I ain’t being too subtle.

Those Tini Puppinis may think they are hot shit, but those bitches have nothing on my dog. This is how it’s done. The end.

And I’m glad the announcer chick let us know that the Tini Puppinis don’t talk. I was about to buy one just so Toffee Puppini could call me a “ho” in person. Yeah, I know she says “howl,” but “ho” makes more sense.

Thanks Don

Stoned, Slow Or Just Naturally Annoying?

Yesterday on her show, Ellen Degeneres asked prostitot chipmunk Miley Cyrus about her 20-year-old boyfriend and the topic made Disney’s favorite whore erupt into an annoying seizure of giggles. You can tell Ellen wanted to hit her over the head with her strap-on. I would’ve held her down for Ellen. Miley’s laugh can fucking grate cheese.

Has Miley been sharing a can of computer dust with that hot bitch Allison from “Intervention”? I was expecting Miley to bob her head and say, “It’s like I’m walkeeeen on suuunnshine.”

Thanks Galina

Why Is Stephen Baldwin Still Here?

The dirty toilet plunger known as Stephen Baldwin vowed to move to Canada if Obama won. Somebody give that dumb fuck a newspaper, because Obama is our next president and Stephen is still here! I doubt Canada wants his ass either. When Obama won, they probably sent Stephen a bottle of their native maple syrup with a note that said, “Eh! This is the closest you will get to our fair Canada! Eh!”

Stephen lied to us all by not leaving. That’s not very Christian-like. In the wise words of the God Warrior, “HE IS NOT A CHRISTIIIIAAAAAAN.” It also wasn’t very Christian of him to get Hannah Montana’s initials tattooed on his body. Ew and ew.

According to TMZ, at some White House event last year, Miley Cyrus dared Stephen to get Hannah Montana’s initials tattooed somewhere on his busted body. If he did it, she would let him guest star on her show. Well, yesterday at one of his book signings in Nashville, Stephen showed Miley his tattoo. He went through his part of the deal so she has to get through hers. Miley agreed that she’d let him cameo on her show.

No, that’s not creepy at all. Well, it’s only her initials, Stephen could tell people it means something else. Horny Moron? Hobag Mangina? Humongous Motherfucker? The possibilities are endless.

And since I mentioned God Warrior, it would be dark-sided not to post her most shining moment:

Image: Pacific Coast News

Too Easy

Miley, Miley, Miley… She might as well have handed this picture over on a silver platter with the newest copy of Photoshop and a Pedobear Approved sticker.

Someone should tell Miley that she’s not in the backwoods anymore. There are spoons available for her to use. But something tells me Billy Ray Cyrus hid them all.

In other prostitot news, Miley has announced that she’s just finished her first autobiography at the ripe old age of 15. OMG! LMAO! ROTFL! Miley said, “I’m not sure when it’s going to come out. It’s finished but you’ve got a long process of editing and all that kind of stuff, so it takes a while.”

It’s probably the first book to be written entirely through text and IM messages. It’s going to be called: “DNT H8!!1!!! UR JST JELLIS!”

Here’s more of Miley, her “way too hot for her” boyfriend and possum-haired Billy Ray at the Millions of Milkshakes event in Los Angeles yesterday. They named a milkshake after her! Billy Ray isn’t in a lot of these pictures because he kept excusing himself to use the bathroom. And notice the last picture. Another gem brought to you by Pedobear!

Miley Cyrus Belongs To Mickey Mouse And She Knows It

When the whores at Disney heard the rumor that Miley and Billy Ray wanted out of the “Hannah Montana” show, they probably sent Goofy, Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck to take care of those hillbillies and set them straight. Because Miley issued a statement today claiming she will stay on the show.

Disney’s biggest cash cow said: “I am fully committed to Hannah Montana. It’s what gave me this amazing opportunity to reach out to so many people. I couldn’t do it alone. We have an amazing cast that is so supportive, including my dad who has been there for me every step of the way.”

That’s right. Homegirl knows who’s putting supper on the table: MICKEY FUCKING MOUSE. Mickey probably told Miley, “Billy Ray ain’t your father. I AM! I’m your daddy! I say when this game is over! Now go shake that ass and bring home the cheese!”

Here’s Mickey Mouse’s slave with her gay boyfriend and her crazy-eyed mommy last night.