Lindsay Lohan Bailed On A Visit To Canada And Her Criminal Record Might Be To Blame

Lindsay Lohan, seen above proving why it’s so important to get vaccinated, was supposed to make an appearance during the Toronto International Film Festival on Sunday. No, she wasn’t there to present a special 8th anniversary screening of the modern cinematic masterpiece I Know Who Killed Me (I wish). Page Six says she was supposed to be at a club on Sunday night to promote her upcoming film Inconceivable. Unfortunately, everybody who was hoping to catch a glimpse of the Apricot Ashtray is about to let out a disappointed sigh of sadness, because LiLo will not be there. And because we’re dealing with the poster child for lying, nobody has a straight answer for why Lindsay is bailing.

According to the event organizer, it’s because “the timing did not work out for everyone to get to Toronto.” So basically, Lindsay couldn’t get her ass on a plane from whatever place her most current gentleman friend’s yacht is parked in. However other sources are whispering it’s because she has a criminal record and Canada don’t play that. One source said:

“Canada is pretty strict about that. It is not easy to get in if you have had any type of record.”

Other sources claim it has nothing to do with LiLo’s collection of mug shots and everything to do with her being a demanding freckled diva. They say Lindsay refused to fly to Toronto unless it was in first class. Obviously a movie that barely exists on the internet doesn’t have a budget big enough for such shenanigans, so when they slid a coach ticket into her hands, she decided she wasn’t going.

A rep for the producers of Inconceivable told Page Six: “I just know she was not able to come” because she is “busy.” It’s true – hustling tea on Instagram is a very demanding job.

I’m a Canadian person, so I totally know what’s going on here. Back in 2012, there was a massive million-dollar maple syrup heist. Lindsay Lohan is known to have sticky fingers, so who knows how much sweet sweet syrup a pro like LiLo would able to stuff into her carry-on? Canada can’t take that kind of a chance.

Pic: Wenn.com

Many Canadians Aren’t Here For Kanye West Performing At The Pan Am Games

“Excuse me? Are they not aware that I’m the greatest Kanye in the world? What about that mug I bought for myself – the one that says ‘World’s Greatest Kanye’? Is that mug a lie?”

The Pan Am Games – which are sort of like the Rita Ora to the Olympics’ Rihanna – are currently happening in Toronto, Canada. Just like the Olympics, the Pan Am Games have an opening and closing ceremony, and it was announced on Wednesday that Kanye West will headline the closing ceremony on July 26th. Not everyone is happy with this and according to a Change.org petition titled “Don’t have Kanye West headline the closing ceremony for the Toronto Pan American Games, it looks like Canada doesn’t want him.

CBC says the petition was started by a Canadian person named Allen Simans (damn, I was really hoping Bryan LaCróix was behind this) because he was pissed off that the organizers of the Pam Am Games outsourced the closing ceremony performance to America. Allen Simans suggests that instead of Kanye, they should have picked a Canadian like Drake, Feist, Shania Twain, The Weeknd, or deadmau5. I’m not sure why Allen Simans went straight for Kanye’s nuts, because the closing ceremony performance will also feature Pitbull and Canadian Serena Ryder. 

So far, the petition to cancel Kanye’s performance has almost 37,600 signatures, and they’ve issued an ultimatum if their demands aren’t met:

“Toronto Pan Am Games organizing committee please reconsider your decision as we will NOT be attending Kanye West’s show.”

“We will NOT be attending.” How delightfully Canadian. Speaking of, this comment that was left on the “Reasons for signing” section of the petition regarding Kanye’s performance might be my favorite thing about all of this:

“I would rather spend my tax dollars on watching grass grow.”

Only a Canadian would be so polite that they’d write “grass” instead of the much more appropriate “Kim Kardashian’s ass.”

Pic: Splash

A Canadian Radio Host Got Fired For Going 50 Shades Of NO On A Bunch Of Women

And now for a WTF story about a sleazy Canadian radio sex scandal (sadly, this story has nothing to do with The Deaner getting a radio show called What’s Crappenin’ with The Deaner).

CBC radio host Jian Ghomeshi (aka that guy who pissed off Billy Bob Thornton) was given walking papers by the CBC yesterday after it came to light that he was an ass-grabbing creep of the highest order. According to The Toronto Star, several women have come forward alleging that they were attacked by Ghomeshi in a variety of not-right ways after they agreed to go on dates with him. The women claim that after meeting Ghomeshi at public CBC events, he would contact them through Facebook (FACEBOOK??!?) and ask them to come over to his house for some rough sex. What he failed to mention was that “rough sex” meant greeting them at the door, Chris Brown-style, by smacking them in the face and proceeding to choke them out.

Jian claims it was all consensual, but the women say there was no safe word and they all felt fucking terrified. However, none of them filed assault charges with the police, because they were afraid it would go public. Apparently he brought that shit to work with him too; a woman who used to work with Jian at the CBC claims that he came up behind her at work one day, grabbed her ass, and told her: “I want to hate fuck you.” Ooooh, so romantic!

Of course, once the CBC found out about the allegations, they fired his ass and put his daily radio show, Q, on hiatus. Jian responded by hiring a fancy PR firm, threatening to sue the CBC for $50 million dollars, and releasing a douche-dipped statement to Facebook (that dude loves Facebook) in an attempt to clear his name. I’m not going to post the whole thing, because it’s LONG AS HELL, but here is all you really need to know:

Continue reading