Wonks Won’t Be Blamed For Leading Nick Carter’s Nostril To The Bad Shit

The only way to look at that picture is to look at it while listening to some Sarah McLachlan, because that is a PSA-worthy sad glare for help.

Nick Carter writes in his memoirs Facing the Music and Living to Talk About It that getting with Parasite Hilton in 2004 was the worst thing he could do for himself, because all kinds of different STD warts sealed his dick lips shut, his peen won’t talk to him anymore and he’ll forever be on file with the CDC. No, he didn’t say, but did say that she was toxic for him, because he’s an addict and she can shoot an 8-ball out of her twat anytime you need a little pick-me-up. Nick wrote in his book:

“Paris was the worst person in the world for me to hook up with. We had the partying in common. It just is what it is. That’s life. You go through, you have exes and you have past situations. But I don’t fault her for anything.”

Wonky was highly offended by this, because she’s a pristine gardenia who doesn’t even know what coke looks like! Wonks farted out this skid mark to Access Hollywood:

“I don’t believe I was a negative influence on Nick, we dated for a very short period of time almost 10 years ago and when we met he was already a successful pop star, I’m pretty sure that was the only thing influencing him at the time. I’m glad he got help for his problems and wish him all the best.”

The truth is, Wonks has a point and when Wonks has a point, I know her publicist made that point for her while she forced her boy toy to snort molly out of her cooze.

Leslie Carter Suffered An Overdose Of Prescription Pills

When the Carter family, I mean the other other Carter family, released a statement yesterday morning about the death of 25-year-old Leslie Carter, they were mute about the cause of her death. The Coroner isn’t issuing an official cause of death until toxicology results come back, but a police report shows that she most likely died of an overdose.

ABC News says that Leslie’s stepmother, Ginger Carter (that’s a really hot name), told police that her stepdaughter was suffering from a mental illness and was taking medication for it. Leslie usually lives in Canada with her husband, but she brought her 10-month-old daughter with her to stay with family in upstate New York so she could kick her addiction to pills. Ginger says that on the morning of her death, Leslie slipped in the shower. Ginger helped Leslie into bed to lie down and when she checked up on her a few hours later, she wasn’t breathing. Next to Leslie’s bed were bottles of Olanzapine (for bipolar disorder), Cyclobenzaprine (a muscle relaxer) and Xanax.

The police report also says that Ginger Carter was messed up herself when they talked to her. Ginger was full on LOHAN. Ginger was slurring her words, had glassy eyes and kept falling asleep while talking to the cops. Ginger told the cops that she was so upset about Leslie’s death that she took five or six Xanax. Ginger told police that she’ll tell them more as soon as she sobers up. Why do I have a feeling that won’t be anytime soon. Why do I also have a feeling that Ginger Carter looks like this?

Leslie Carter Has Passed Away At The Age Of 25

Two R.I.P. posts in a row and it’s not even noon. Grab a few bottles of Strawberry Hill, bring a fully stocked bong and pull the blanket over February.

Aaron and Nick Carter’s sister, Leslie Carter (in the middle), died yesterday in upstate New York and that’s pretty much all we know. The Carter family released a statement to Access Hollywood, but they’re keeping the cause of Leslie’s death to themselves for now.

“Our family is grieving right now and it’s a private matter. We are deeply saddened for the loss of our beloved sister, daughter, and granddaughter, Leslie Carter. We request the utmost privacy during this difficult time.”

Like Aaron and Nick, Leslie was a singer and had a song called “Like Wow” on the Shrek soundtrack. Leslie was also in the family’s mess of a reality show The House of Carters. She married her husband Mike in 2008 and gave birth to their daughter Alyssa Jane on April 1, 2011.

Who’s Sucking The Life Out Of Who?

No, this isn’t a picture of a zombie Ellen DeGeneres siphoning whatever youth is left from her latest victim. This is Nick Carter and his girlfriend Lauren Kitt awkwardly trying to make out with each other’s cheeks at his 32nd birthday party at Vanity in Las Vegas last night. You’re thinking what I’m thinking so let’s just scream it together: THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THAT FACE??? (That question applies to both of them)

While Aaron Carter doesn’t completely look like he just fell out of a Faces of Meth Magazine, Nick looks like he’s been on the cover of Faces of Meth Magazine: AARP Edition. Should I call a priest who specializes in exorcisms? Should I call a damn doctor who specializes in leprosy of the face? Should I call somebody with hair clippers since I’m sure that 1970s Bieber pimp mop on Nick’s head is sucking all the hot out of his face. Those extra wide pube chops he calls sideburns are making Nick look like a 65-year-old David Spade who time traveled back to the 1970s to work as a low level porn producer in Hungary. I just wanna stick an IV drip in his hair and then gently blow his eyelids down so he can get some sleep. Damn.

Somebody get the number to 911 and call it, because this shit is serious.