Yesterday everyone was reminded of Jennifer Esposito and Bradley Cooper’s quick grits marriage from over a decade ago after she commented on a post by David Spade in reference to Bradley’s performance of Shallow with Lady Gaga at the Oscars. David said that they’re obviously fucking and Jennifer responded with HA. I guess that pissed some people off, and now Jennifer is answering back with an over 3 minute long response.
While watching the Oscars on Sunday night two things crossed my mind. 1) Lady Gaga looks orange as hell. 2) Bradley Cooper and Gaga are really selling the “are they or aren’t they fucking?” thing. It’s a publicity stunt, but everyone is talking about it. Including Bradley’s ex-wife Jennifer Esposito who has her own thoughts.
That click in your brain is your dented memory box barfing up the forgotten memory that Jennifer Esposito and Bradley Cooper were married for a quick second once. It’s wrong of me to say their marriage lasted a quick second. It lasted 5 months, which is practically a silver anniversary in Hollywood.
Before Suki Tapwaterhouse and Squinty Zellweger, Jennifer Esposito was Bradley Cooper’s original beard and they were married from December 2006 to May 2007. B. Coop went on to be a millionaire movie star and Jennifer Esposito went on to get dropped from Blue Bloods after CBS accused her of using her Celiac disease to get a raise. Jennifer’s putting out her memoirs, because a ho’s gotta do what a ho’s gotta do to keep her checking account from overdrafting, and of course she’s talking about B.Coop to sell her book. The NYDN says that Jennifer never calls out B. Coop by name and she only refers to him as a “funny, smart and cocky” “master manipulator” who only cared about himself and dropped her ass out of nowhere.
She describes the mystery suitor as, “funny, smart, cocky, arrogant and a master manipulator,” adding that she didn’t “necessarily find him that attractive.” They quickly became a couple, although the actress says her boyfriend had a “mean, cold side” and “his personality could flip on a dime.”
Esposito claims the relationship was an unhealthy one, focused primarily on his needs and nothing else and that she was “a nonissue.” Esposito also writes that she felt “sidelined” from her own health and needs.
“I became very sad and I felt very alone,” Esposito adds, but she stayed in the relationship just the same.
The union came to an impasse when Esposito attended a seminar at the Agape International Spiritual Center in L.A.
“Within days, my relationship hit an all-time low, and within a week it was over,” she wrote. “Abruptly, rudely, and with the exact callousness that I’d come to expect from him.”
“Cocky and arrogant...” Ho was dating an actor? The hell did she expect? But seriously, Jennifer Esposito’s big revelation about B. Coop is that he’s an asshole who only cares about himself and every time she told him she had the sicks, he’d let out a, “meh,” before going back to brushing his eyebrows and admiring his beauty in the mirror? Big deal. Didn’t anybody tell her that if she’s going to trash her famous exes in her book, she better bring on some good shit, not some shit everybody already knows. What I want to know is if the “red flags” she’s talking about had pictures of hard peen on them and did Victor Garber ever slap her with his glove while calling her a home wrecker? I also want life-like sketches of B. Coop’s peen. If anybody actually buys Jennifer’s book, she better include those tidbits and sketches in the sequel.