Category: Hos Gonna Ho

Derek Jeter Spent His Sunday Night Partying With 30 Model Types, None Of Which Were His Model Type Girlfriend

December 23, 2014 / Posted by:

In case you’ve been wondering what Derek Jeter has been up to lately, it sounds like the retired baseball player and bald hottie hall of famer might have both retired his girlfriend and inducted himself into the shameless man whore hall of fame. According to Page Six, Derek was spotted on Sunday night watching a football game at a restaurant in NYC with a couple of his friends. And joining Jeter and his pals was a group of 30 models. Yes, I just pictured Derek Jeter surrounded by 30 dudes who looked like Zoolander; that’s where my head is at right now. But a source says they were actually 30 “attractive model-like women”. The only problem is, none of them were his attractive model-like girlfriend Hannah Davis. Maybe the booth they were sitting in had a specific capacity warning that they were not to exceed more than 30 model types?

The source adds that Derek wasn’t focusing on one specific model-like person out of the 30, and that he spent a good chunk of his night drinking $1,000 bottles of tequila and dancing. No word on who he went home with, but I feel bad for whoever it was, because dancing + bottles of tequila x being possibly recently broken up with = bad times.

And while Derek Jeter was surrounding himself with 30 hot models on Sunday night, you know that somewhere floating in international waters was Jack Nicholson Jr. Leonardo DiCaprio questioning his full-time friendship intern and first mate Lukas Haas why there were only 17 model types aboard the S. S. Snatch Catcher that evening. “Lukas, I specifically asked you to make sure there was at least 50 skinny models on this boat. How in the hell am I supposed to stage an all-naked Nativity Play with only 17 models? You know I need at least a dozen naked sheep!


Rashida Jones Is Still Sick Of The Vaginalization Of Pop Music

December 6, 2013 / Posted by:

Back in October, Rashida Jones went on a Twitter rant after spending some time getting caught up on all the tits, cheeks, flaps and cracks the likes of Miley, Rihanna, Lady Gaga and Nicki Minaj have been flashing all over the place. Rashida used the hashtag “stopactinglikewhores” and the responses were everything from a standing ovation,  “NOOOOOOOO!” from the pro-ho crowd (and a resounding “Rashaddup!” from a friend of mine) to being accused of slut-shaming. She wised up to Twitter being the last place you want to go if you’re interested in actually getting your point across about well, anything, because she elaborated in an essay for Glamour (via EOnline).

The Parks and Recreation star began by pointing out that “stripper poles, G-strings, boobs, and a lot of tongue action were all now normal accessories for mainstream pop stars.” These artists, she reasons, are all trying to convey the same message: “You know you want to have sex with me. Here, take a look at lots of parts of my body.”

Rashida, pointing out she’s not “a prude,” loves sex and “also grew up on a healthy balance of sexuality in pop stars” finds all the in-your-face imagery of today to be “homogenous.” Every pop star, she writes, “interprets ‘sexy’ the same way: lots of skin, lots of licking of teeth, lots of bending over.”

“I find this oddly…boring,” she continues. “Can’t I just like a song without having to take an ultrasound tour of some pop star’s privates?”

I consider myself a feminist. I would never point a finger at a woman for her actual sexual behavior, and I think all women have the right to express their desires,” she writes. “But I will look at women with influence—millionaire women who use their ‘sexiness’ to make money—and ask some questions. There is a difference, a key one, between ‘shaming’ and ‘holding someone accountable.'”

At the very least, Rashida gives me hope that I’m not the only one wiping down my laptop screen after yelling, “THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!” and throwing coffee at some of the slut shit on the interwebs (as a lapsed Catholic, it’s the closest thing I have to holy water because I refuse to waste wine). And Miley might have Liam Hemsworth back to whacking it to pictures of raw chicken, so all her twerking bullshit might be paying off.

While Rashida made some good points about the scales being tipped toward hoing it up, who doesn’t want to indulge in some interpretive vageen dance from time to time? She also lost me with the random ass comparison of “If 1994 was the Year of O.J.’s White Bronco, 2013 was the Year of the Very Visible Vagina“. Up until now, I would have pegged any year Joe Francis or Paris Hilton were in the news more than four times as the Year of the Vagina.

(Pic: Wenn)

Rashida Jones Cordially Invites Female Celebrities To Hop Off the Whore Train

October 22, 2013 / Posted by:

In an attempt to balance the scales tipped heavily toward “rachet ass shit” on Twitter, actress Rashida Jones hopped on her account (via US Weekly) the other day to implore the werkin’, twerkin’, rude and crude ladies of celebrityDUMB to put their labia away and find some class.





Rashida may be a Harvard graduate, but she must have missed the education I got during high school and my one quarter of community college, because “she who hos the most scores the most” isn’t new information and it sure as shit isn’t exclusive to celebrities. We’ve all known that one bitch in coochie cutters and pink Uggs who will spend the night moving closer and closer to your man at the bar until she’s making eye contact with you while her boobs are resting on his arm. You can choose to be the bigger person and leave with your guy, or you can excuse yourself to the bathroom, grab a complimentary tampon, unwrap that shit and drop it in her vodka cranberry when you get back to your bar stool.

She ended her PSA with this tit for tat:


Whoa there, girl. Are you sure?

(Note from Michael K: Fuck Rashida Jones! Whores make my world go ’round. If people stopped acting like whores, most of us would be sad, I’d have nothing to post and Dlisted would became a dog site.)

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