Benedict Cumberbatch Has A Message For The Cumberbitches: Stop Calling Yourseves Cumberbitches

Newsflash, Benny – it doesn’t matter what the message is, those crazy Cumberbitches will automatically translate it into: “Your internet boyfriend has a message for you: I LOVE YOU, LET’S GET MARRIED“. Emmet Otter’s fancy British cousin Benedict Cumberbatch recently spoke to People about his online legion of die-hard obsessed fans, The Cumberbitches, and says he’s flattered that there are so many humanoid otter enthusiasts out there, but he’s got a bit of a problem with the name they’ve chosen. Eggs Benedict then put on his best Women’s Studies Professor caftan and schooled those Cumberbitches on their misuse of the word ‘bitch’:

“But on a serious note, come on, give yourself more power as women. Don’t just call yourself bitches! I know it was a joke, and more of an empowering thing. The majority of [the fans] are smart and savvy and just having fun, but it’s getting out there. It sounds a bit [rude].”

Benedict suggested they might want to call themselves something else, like Cumbersomes, Cumbercollective, or Cumberfans instead. Ok, what about Dick Cummers? Or Cum Sluts? Is that still too rude? I think it might be too rude.

But I think it’s adorable that Benedict is clutching his pearls over the nickname Cumberbitches, because those horny horny Tumblr hos could have gone with something waaaaaay worse. For a dude whose name has both the words Dick and Cum in it, I’d say they kept it pretty tame.

And here’s the alien lizard apple of every Cum Chum’s eye wearing a mangy ginger poodle as a wig while filming Richard III. Seriously, what is that wig: it looks like polyester took dry shit on sadness.

Pics: Splash, FameFlynet

Keira Knightley On The Cumberbitches: They’re “Terrifying” And “Lovely”

Seen above clinging on to Benedict Cumberbatch as they shield themselves from the pussy nectar geysers shooting out of the Cumberbitches at the London premiere of The Imitation Game early last month, Keira Knightley was on Late Night with Seth Meyers last night and the subject of B. Cums’ insane fans came up. There’s no need for the original KK to join the Cumberbitch Protection Program, yet, because yeah, she called them scary, but she did it with ~love~.

KK worked with B. Cums in 2008 while shooting Atonement and that was long before he became the Alien Lizard God of Tumblr, so Seth said that she’s seen the evolution of the Cumberbitches. KK gently tiptoed into the subject by saying they’re “terrifying” yet “lovely.” I see KK adding a little British flavor to “oh honey, bless your heart.” The anti-Photoshop activist also told a story about how the Cumberbitches told her to move along.

“It’s terrifying. I mean, they’re lovely. I feel terrified saying they’re terrifying cause they might come after me. So… yes, it’s amazing! They’re very artistic! They paint pictures of him. You go to premieres and there’s these amazing paintings of Ben looking Ben-like… [They’re] a very hysterical, artistic type.

I actually had a really embarrassing moment at the London premiere, because — they really do — they scream more than I’ve ever heard for anyone else, but I had a publicist with me and she went, ‘You know, go sign some autographs.’ I went over there and went ‘Oh yeah, of course, of course, no problem!’ And they were like, ‘Oh no, we don’t want you. We’re just here for Ben.'”

Terrifying, hysterical and artistic types… That should be Tumblr’s new tagline! From what I’ve seen, the Cumberbitches don’t seem to be as batshit as some of the other “fandoms,” but I’m still surprised that they shooed KK away the same way Kim Kardashian’s brain shoos away all reasonable thoughts. I mean, KK played B.Cums’ beard in the movie, so I’m assuming they had at least one kissing scene. Since her lips have touched B. Cums’ lips, I’m surprised the Cumberbitches didn’t ask to mate with her mouth or try to rip her mouth skin off.

Here’s the clip of KK talking about the Cumberbitches. Toward the end of the clip, she tells a little story about how her mom, playwright Sharman Macdonald, thinks Breaking Bad is a comedy:

So, KK’s mom sits there laughing while watching bodies melt from acid? I’d call that terrifying and lovel- No, I’d just call that terrifying.

Here’s a maybe pregnant KK leaving a NYC hotel while dressed like a rich hobo farmer.

Pics: Wenn.com