Chris Klein Is Going To Be A Daddy

Chris Klein, star of American Pie, Election, and the greatest audition tape of all time, is going to have a baby. Well, technically his wife Laina is, but Chris Klein helped. People says that Chris celebrated his birthday yesterday by announcing on Twitter that he had knocked up his wife of 7 months.

My beautiful wife Laina and I are expecting our first child. 23 weeks along. Gratefully blessed on my 37th B-Day. pic.twitter.com/BFNbKhSemY

— Chris Klein (@iamchrisklein) March 14, 2016

The last time I saw the name “Chris Klein“, it was walking hand-in-hand with a story about another DUI. But Chris Klein has been sober since 2010. So even though Laina and Chris are sort of giving me less messy Michael Lohan and Kate Major in the picture above, we don’t have to be nearly as worried about them having a kid.

Laina is 23 weeks pregnant so far, which means two things. One, Chris only has 17 weeks to convince his wife that they should pay tribute to his low-budget Keanu Reeves roots by naming their baby after the now-dead low-budget department store S. Klein. Two (and most importantly), the Suri Cruise daddy truthers only have 17 weeks before they can do some CSI-style analysis of Baby Klein’s first pictures against the ones of Suri that they ripped out of a 10-year-old copy of Vanity Fair from the public library and taped to their wall. They will prove once and for all that Chris Klein is the real father of Tom Cruise’s “daughter.”

Pic: Splash

American Mess Meets Irish Messes

Last night in Hollywood was the big premiere for Tara Reid’s grand return to the silver screen and she brought her “Celebrity” Big Brother housemates and fellow messes Jedward as her escorts. Yes, Tara looks like a malnourished, self-tanner-addicted 50-something soap actress who has just come off the set after playing a ghost in a dream sequence, but she’s free of barf stains, whiskey spots and a European husband who’s only using her for a green card, so I’d say she looks good! Or maybe I’m only saying that because I’m temporarily blinded by the bright shiny glitter rays shooting off of those twin Edward Cullen troll doll pencil toppers. (Note: That is the only time I will ever refer to Jedward as “tops.”)

Every time I see a picture of those twin spaz brooms, I want to smash Ritalin pills into my eyes, because they just can’t have a seat. They’re always jumping. They’re always screaming. They’re always freaking out like vibrators on meth. Hopefully, they calmed down after they came down with instant lead poisoning from kissing on the orange paint slathered on Tara’s face.

Here’s some more hos from last night’s American Reunion: WE’RE ALL OLD premiere. In order: Tara with Jedward, Jason Biggs with his wife, Jason with Eddie Kaye Thomas and John Cho, Jennifer Coolidge giving us BODY, Shannon Elizabeth, Alyson Hannigan, Chris Klein (looking like a coked up insurance salesman), Natasha Lyonne, Sean William Scott, Thomas Ian Nicholas with date and Mena Suvari.