Night Crumbs

Over the weekend, Dennis Rodman gave his crotch huevos some air when he worked one of Cher Horowitz’s freakum skirts to Houston Pride. Not a big deal, right? Well, there are some sweet summer bigots out there who had no idea that Dennis has been a supporter of the LGBTQ community since the 90s and has been dressing like a Contempo Casuals sales associate for just as long. Dennis hit back in his Instagram Stories by writing, “Do your research guys,” followed by a bunch of his dragtastic looks throughout the years. If they take Dennis’ advice and Google him, they’ll discover he’s also a Trump supporter who shares a broken heart BFF pendant with Kim Jong Un. That’ll make them love him again! – Lainey Gossip

The hilarious and brilliant The Other Two is ending after three seasons, and well, we’ll always have that fake Applebees episode and ChaseDreams’ ally anthem, My Brother’s Gay and That’s Okay. And if you thought they made Cary every shade of insufferable during the third season, then read about one of the showrunner’s alleged asshole ways – The Hollywood Reporter

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The HSOTD Hall Of Fame: STAINS!

The whole Hot Slut of the Day feature started with paying tribute to hotness from the past, and I usually only made humans HSOTD but threw in the occasional cartoon character and 80s toy. But when I started to make animals HSOTD, the entire Hot Slut game was changed, and it’s never been the same since! Three animals have won the highly coveted (emphasis on “high” because you gotta be high to covet that shit) Hot Slut of the Year: Spaghetti Cat (2008), the late great Freya (2022), and STAINS (2009)!

The Aughts were the golden era of reality shit shows because you couldn’t turn on the TV without a new one hitting you in the face. It’s Me or the Dog was a British reality show that debuted on UK’s Channel 4 in 2005. It was like a dog owner’s answer to Supernanny. It followed dog trainer Victoria Stillwell as she went into homes to help humans responsibly train dogs who weren’t acting right. The show was a hit and came to Animal Planet in the US in 2008. STAINS starred in the 13th episode of season one in January 2009, but before the episode even aired, he became a breakout star when a preview clip on YouTube of his hypnotic cupcake eyes went viral. Victoria was using the cupcakes to teach him restraint, but to us viewers, it looked like she was cruelly taunting him! Victoria should’ve been immediately put into handcuffs for animal abuse. Since all of us would probably widen our eyes like, “Is this trick serious,” over being teased with cupcakes, everyone embraced STAINS, and he became a breakout star.

2009 was a big year for STAINS (and no, his humans didn’t capitalize his name like that. I did that so his name could match his capitalized eyes). STAINS became an instant meme, and The Soup, where I discovered him, made him their Entertainer of the Year. STAINS is most likely in heaven now, and yes, heaven is definitely a giant plate of all the cupcakes he can eat. The original post is after the cut.

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The HSOTD Hall Of Fame: Phoebe Price!

Who’s That Girl isn’t only a 1987 Madonna song and movie; it’s also what I screamed when I first laid my eyeballs upon the glittering ginger goddess, and Alabama rose that is Phoebe Denise Price. Long before Dlisted was even a tickle in the internet’s ballsack (just nod and pretend that made sense), PP was ruling Hollywood! GoFugYourself was one of the first blogs to give Phoebe a much-needed stage on the internet, but I fell in love with her while going through photo agency websites and noticing how much they covered her. I had to know who she was and quickly discovered that she’s a WORLD-RENOWNED supermodel (no citation needed), a bona fide Hollywood star (see: her role as Customer with Car in an episode of The X-Files), and fashion icon. PP is fun, over-the-top, and gives a fuck while not giving a fuck at the same time. So I wrote about her over and over and over and over and over and over and over again, so much so that readers began to send me disturbing and offensive emails like, “Stop posting about Phoebe Price.” And yes, those readers now lie in a plot in my brain labeled “dead to me.”

As a birthday present to myself in 2007, I made Phoebe Price Hot Slut of the Day. And Chicken Cutlets ended up winning Hot Slut of 2007, becoming my favorite HSOTY winner ever. PP proudly wore the HSOTY crown, but as I mentioned in my goodbye announcement post, she re-branded Hot Slut as Hot Babe. An activist! Speaking of, here’s one of many favorite PP stories. The year was 2008, and a little unknown fashion brand called Channel or Chennile, or something, was having a party at their store on Robertson in West Hollywood. PP graciously agreed to give that no-name brand some attention by gracing their small party with her superstar presence. But some uneducated PR girls blocked her from getting in, claiming she wasn’t on the list. It is the understatement of understatements to call this The Crime of the Century! PP wasn’t having it and vowed to sue Chanel if they didn’t immediately apologize to her. Behold, the Norma Rae of Not Being On The List!

About a second later, Phoebe declared victory when she discovered that the Chanel store on Robertson had closed:

Okay, in actuality, that store was just getting renovated at the time. But the Chanel on Robertson did end up closing this year. They were obviously so shaken up and paralyzed with embarrassment over being called out by Phoebe Price that it took them 15 years to finally put a Going Out Of Business Because Phoebe Price Called Us Out sign on their window. The power of Phoebe Price truly is like no other!

Pic: BauerGriffin/INSTARimages.com

Birthday Sluts

Night Crumbs

If you spiraled into a whirlpool of sadness over the news that robohost Ryan Seacrest was leaving Live with Kelly and Ryan because you can’t get enough of his unsettling eyes staring at you through the TV screen, I need to tell you to get help. But I also need to tell you that you don’t need to be sad anymore since Ryan got yet another TV gig. Ryan will take over as host of Wheel of Fortune when condescending porcupine Pat Sajak retires next year. The good news is that it looks like Vanna White will be back! Vanna reportedly hasn’t gotten a raise in 18 years and makes $3 million a year compared to Pat’s reported $15 million a year. So hopefully, when Ryan Seacrest makes his debut on WoF, we won’t be able to see him because we’ll be blinded by the sparkles shooting off the diamonds that Vanna bought with her raise money – TVLine

Somebody check on Nicholas Hoult immediately because he’s lost out on another big role since David Corenswet (aka the projectionist from Pearl) is the new Superman, alongside Rachel Brosnahan as Lois Lane – The A.V. Club

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The HSOTD Hall Of Fame: Fefita La Grande!

Fefita la Grande is a Hot Slut of the Day I will never forget because she helped, without even trying, to teach me a very valuable lesson: Don’t fuck with the Dominican Republic! Before a reader nominated Fefita la Grande for HSOTD in April 2012, I had never heard about the Dominican Queen of the Accordian. But as soon as I laid my eyes on her head-to-toe glamour and took in her piping-hot talents, I instantly fell in love, and making her an HSOTD was a no-brainer. Emphases on “no brain.” Because one morning, I woke up to thousands of emails, and usually, that’s my cue to pull the sheets over my head and go back to sleep. It turns out that a newspaper in the Dominican Republic gave me a serious case of male pattern baldness by grabbing my hair and dragging me for calling their country’s national treasure a Slut. So many Dominicans defended Fefita by tearing me a new one (and not in a sexy way). I was only called a pendejo that much when I changed the music from Menudo to Stacey Q at a family reunion in 1987. Out of all the problematic shit that has poured off my fingertips, that post got me the most outrage.

When I showed my mom the article and some of the emails, she responded, “It’s like calling their abuelita a puta,” before handing me a chancleta to slap myself down with. I wrote to many telling them I didn’t mean it literally and was paying tribute to her, but the damage was done. If only I listened to the words of wisdom from Phoebe Price and re-branded Hot Slut as Hot Babe, this would’ve never happened! The original post is after the cut.

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