Hot Slut Of The Day!

Mrs. T, the 90-year-old tortoise who’s now a 4X4 badass bitch thanks to her new wheels.

Tortoises are the memaws and pepaws of the animal world and deserve some serious respect, but a few asshole, turtle-hating piece of trash rats don’t know that and gnawed off Mrs. T’s legs after breaking into her hutch. Mrs. T’s human, Judy Ryder of Pembroke, West Wales, tells the BBC that the rats ate both of Mrs. T’s front legs and one of her back legs. Splinter from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles would not approve of his kind treating a tortoise like that.

Judy and her medical engineer son were going to have some prosthetic legs made so Mrs. T would be able to get around again, but that idea got shat on when they found out that the rats gnawed off too much. (Cut to me in about a week at the free clinic begging my doctor to give me industrial-strength Ambien because the nightmare images of rats gnawing tortoise legs off won’t let me go into dreamland.)

Judy’s son then came up with the idea to hook Mrs. T up to a pair of wheels. So that’s what they did and now hos have to hold onto their wigs when she whizzes by, because she goes twice the speed she used to. Judy said these words to the Telegraph:

“It was like fitting her with a turbo charger – she’s going double the speed she used to. She uses her back legs to push herself along. She seems quite happy, but it’s difficult to tell with a tortoise.”

Here’s the video of Mrs. T in action and it’s best if you watch it with the sound muted and “Ridin’” blasting instead.

Those rats better watch the hell out. When Mrs. T had normal tortoise legs, she probably hit 0.25 mph MAX. But now that she’s got wheels, she’ll probably be able to hit 0.50 mph. She’s coming for those rats who did her wrong.