Open Post: Hosted By Catherine Zeta-Jones’ “Extremely Large” Zucchinis
You’ve seen Cathrine Zeta-Jones. I don’t need to tell you she is glamour personified. She’s living that rich, femme d’un certain age, caftan, and vintage statement pieces lifestyle I aspire to. The only thing missing from my mood board is widowhood (though she’s working on that). But according to Hello Magazine, Catherine’s lifestyle isn’t just comprised of decadent lounging and gesturing towards carafes you’d like the help to refill, it also includes light gardening. Catherine recently introduced her followers to a bumper crop of “stupendous courgettes,” “laid out on a bench that had been grown in her very own vegetable patch.” Because why use store-bought dildos when you can grow your very own?
Hello! presents:
“Extra large organics from my garden, my favorites! Happy Sunday all” Catherine penned, signalling to her followers that she has quite the green thumb.
The glamorous 51-year-old then flipped the camera to flash a makeup-free smile, wearing an elegant black kaftan with a dramatic red floral print.
Fans left hundreds of hand clapping emojis in the comments to share their shock at Catherine’s secret gardening skill. “AMAZING” said one fan, whilst another wrote: “Wow. What a harvest.”
Who among you will clap for Catherine’s courgettes for they are plentiful and marvelous to behold?!
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I honestly don’t understand why Catherine’s lifestyle brand never took off. Because if the choice is between burning my coochie off and trying to figure out what time I get to break my intuitive fast so I can eat my three pomegranate seeds washed down with 4 oz of warm water with lemon, and dancing in my closet wearing a caftan (or Cathtan if you will, she missed a trick there) from the Casa Zeta-Jones spring collection for QVC looking like a goddamn glamorous fool, then I’m throwing a purple bathmat in my closet and making it work.
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Pic: Instagram