Picture this: you’re Catherine Zeta-Jones. An Oscar winner with a sultry Welsh accent and a possibly fatal pussy. Now that you’ve finally conquered your guilt over being the gorgeous wife of a movie STAH, you’re ready to take on the world with a lifestyle brand that’s been in the works for years.
It’s the night before your new Casa Zeta-Jones smokey eye pencil is finally ready to launch, and you can barely contain your excitement! To calm your nerves, you pour yourself a glass of red wine. Then another. And another. As you finish off the bottle, you think, “Fuck it. The people need to know NOW!” You grab your phone and record a spur-of-the-moment announcement video. Sure, the pencil keeps getting caught in your hair, but there’s no need for another take since you BROUGHT. IT.
You post the sultriness to Instagram without a second thought, making sure to include a “Yahooooooioo” in the caption:
I’m sure Catherine’s team is absolutely thrilled she filmed this impromptu promo on her way to the kitchen “to cook”. At least the eye makeup isn’t smudged like mine gets when I’m wasted. Or maybe it is? Hard to tell with a smokey eye. Hopefully one of Catherine’s kids TikToks their mom passed out fully clothed on top of her duvet. The people need a conclusion to this award-winning saga!