Who Is May’s Hot Slut Of The Month?

June 3, 2021 / Posted by:

On top of it being Pride Month, June is also National Accordion Awareness Month, and that really doesn’t have anything to do with this Hot Slut of the Month post (although one HSOTM finalist does make beautiful music), but I thought I’d do my part and spread accordion awareness. Anyway, May’s HSOTM showdown nearly became an all-animal affair until the Human Husband of the Century came along! The first three HSOTM finalists for May got the most Facebook likes, and the fourth was picked by me. Your choices are:

The Beauty School Husband, the husband who warmed even the most frozen of frostbitten dead hearts when he went to a local beauty school in the Canadian town of Red Deer in Alberta to quickly learn how to curl his wife’s hair since her eyesight is going bad and she’s been having trouble doing it on her own. If he ever wants to become a multi-millionaire beauty influencer, he should learn how to do makeup too, because after everyone cries their face paint off while reading his story, he can slather their face with beauty again!

The Daredevil Pussy of Chicago, the cat who escaped a burning fifth-floor apartment by jumping to a patch of grass and shaking that shit off like nothing before walking away. Never mind that this cat is my new favorite action star who never was, trick probably set that fire on purpose to get away and join the cat army that will eventually take over the world!

The Howling Wolf Pup, the little wolfie of Voyageurs National Park in Minnesota who proved that all you need to do to be an HSOTM finalist is be an adorable ball of wild fluff who gets caught on camera letting out one of your first howls.

Bubbles Manganiello (née Bubbles Vergara), the Chihuahua/Pomeranian mix who was originally supposed to be Sofia Vergara’s dog but quickly snuggled up to Joe Manganiello and is now his boo. So when you see the inevitable People Magazine article declaring that Sofia and Joe are getting divorced, just picture home-wrecking legend Bubbles throwing a victory look like, “Checkmate, bitch!

Voting is below. The winning HSOTM will be crowned next Thursday, June 10!

Pics: Facebook, Chicago Fire Department, YouTube, Instagram

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