Open Post: Hosted By Froot Loops Pizza

March 3, 2021 / Posted by:

Because it’s 2021 and we’re quickly running out of new combinations of gross shit, Froot Loops pizza exists. This pizza was “created” by the restaurant Fong’s Pizza in Des Moines, Iowa. It’s one of their exciting new breakfast pizzas, which also include steak and eggs and bacon popper pies. Before this, Fong’s claim to fame was Crab Rangoon pizza (featuring cream cheese and fake crab), but I think they’ve outdone themselves with this latest monstrosity.

Here are the deets: it’s regular pizza dough topped with cream cheese frosting and mozzarella, then Froot Loops, then drizzled with yogurt and condensed milk. I… just threw up in my mouth. Finally, it is served with a sour cream and cream cheese sauce. Fong’s calls it “Loopy Fruits Pizza” because otherwise, Froot Loops would sue their asses for crimes against humanity.

Local newspaper, the Des Moines Register, tweeted about the town’s cutting edge pizza, and the state of New Jersey immediately hissed back with this:

Luckily for us, Des Moines reporter Linh Ta decided her life was no longer worth living and took a bullet for the team:

Linh says that the pizza smelled greasy and fruity. When she took a bite, “there was a crunch from the cracker-thin crust and a tangy-dairy taste from the mozzarella.” She says that when she hit the actual Froot Loops, they were slightly moist and their colors bled into the cheese. Her overall takeaway was: “This is literally just cheese pizza and Froot Loops.” Linh says she’ll stick to the Crab Rangoon, thankyouverymuch.

Congratulations, Fong’s, Froot Loops pizza is officially the second thing I know about Des Moines. The first was that it was the hometown of the recently departed Cloris Leachman. And I’ll be honest, I’m glad she’s not here to see this.

Pic: Twitter

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