I’m sure we all would have happily gone on with our lives all but forgetting who Presley Gerber is, let alone giving a single shit about what he does to his face. Sure, his “misunderstood” face tattoo was good for a fleeting laugh, but Presley keeps reminding us that affluenza is actually a bigger threat to our global stability than COVID-19. Presley is still complaining about getting made fun of for his tattoo, and according to E! News, has now compared his situation to being trans. And just like that, I have to self quarantine because there is something wrong with my eyes (sprained), heart (hurt), and lungs (I keep wheezing, “woo child” and sighing with the weariness of the maid who has to pick up Presley’s dirty underwear off the floor). Let’s not get complacent, affluenza kills.
Presley already went on Instagram live wearing his birthday gold chains and making Chet Hanks look like Colin Hanks by comparison (see above), and invited all his haters to “come to his house and say it to his face.” Apparently, none of his haters felt that strongly about it and Presley’s face remained unspoken to. He also took his big misunderstood energy to the shooting range, captioning the Instagram post: “Innocent little me before all the horrid tattoos. Y’all know nothing #waketfup.” Sadly, I think most people slept right through that. The next obvious step would be to get another face tattoo to restart the cycle of attention, but maybe his parents, Cindy Crawford and Rande Gerber, curbed that by offering Kaia Gerber up as tribute to all the tattoo shops in LA. So now we have this. (via E!)
On Wednesday, the 20-year-old model addressed the backlash he has been receiving following his face tattoo. Taking to Instagram, Cindy Crawford and Rande Gerber’s son said that he is tired of being the subject of “hate” because of his “little face tattoo.”
He wrote, “Most and a lot of people can get a face lifts, change genders, lip injections, etc and it’s offensive to say anything in today’s day in age but I get a little face tattoo and now people love to hate me..Hmmmm?”
There’s no need to delve into the ridiculousness of this statement. Is there enough packed into those few words to sustain an entire dissertation titled: Class, Privilege and Life in a Digital Age? Probably. But there’s not one person alive on this planet who would waste that kind of time and energy thinking about Presley Gerber. Except maybe Presley himself, and he’s already said all there is to be said.