Lori Loughlin Reportedly Can’t Stop Googling Herself

August 26, 2019 / Posted by:

Lori Loughlin has a big day tomorrow, but based on what People Magazine is reporting, I doubt she’s going to be preparing by centering herself, staying well hydrated, and getting plenty of sleep. Instead, she’ll probably be up late again tonight obsessively Googling herself. Lori and her husband Mossimo Giannulli’s next court appearance is scheduled for tomorrow, and Lori “is obsessing over every detail of the case” because she ain’t got shit else to do.

In case you have had other shit to do, Lori and Mossimo pleaded not guilty to bribery and money laundering charges stemming from their alleged participation in the Operation Varsity Blues scandal. They allegedly paid $500,000 to get their two daughters, defiant Olivia Jade and wisely silent Isabella Giannulli, into USC. According to People:

“Lori is obsessing over every detail of the case,” a legal source tells PEOPLE.

“She’s not working, she’s not doing anything. She’s just reading the files again and again,” the source says about Loughlin, 55.

Adds the source: “The family was told to remove their Google alerts and to stop searching their names because it’s not good for them to see what’s being said. But this is a full-time concern of hers.”

I can just see Lori sitting in her Bel Air mansion with her laptop repeatedly hitting “refresh”, each time hoping anew that a headline will pop up reading “Lori Loughlin Is Very Pretty, Very Innocent” at which she’d probably try to have the laptop framed and hung in the den next to all of Olivia and Isabella’s rowing trophies. Yes, the delusion is that thick.

Page Six also reports that Lori and Mossimo’s have the friends and neighbors they deserve.

“They’re calling less, inviting less. Hanging back — for now. If [Giannulli and Loughlin] are not convicted, everything will go back to the way it was,” said the friend. “But if they are, well, they might want to move. It’s sort of Bel Air ‘Bonfire of the Vanities.’ ”

I guess there must be some secret code among the white collar criminals of Bel Air. It’s all good until someone gets papped in the parking lot buying a GROCERY STORE (albeit Bristol Farms) Essence of Innocence bouquet. This is what it looks like when you try to throw together a humble poor person’s outfit, but the cheapest item in your closet is a $600 Mickey Mouse t-shirt.

Well shit, we must have gotten it all wrong. There’s no way Lori could be guilty of anything other than loving too deeply, and caring too much. I mean, she is wearing Birkenstocks.

Pic: Wenn.com

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