Michael Jackson’s Former Spokesperson Held A Cuckoo Crazy Press Conference

August 22, 2019 / Posted by:

Much as he did in life, in death, Michael Jackson continues to be one of the world’s premiere sources of white hot insanity and unmitigated mess. Though he’s been dead for an entire decade, out of nowhere comes a one-two kick combination punctuated with high pitched “WHOO-HOO” in the form of a live press conference promising a “mystery announcement” regarding Michael’s estate and legacy. Additionally, Donald Trump was called upon to help locate MJ’s missing 2006 will. Because sure, why not.

According to CNN, the press conference began with some opening remarks by an unnamed woman who, after coming out wearing a white satin glove (0 points) and stringing together a barely coherent narrative about why she was late using MJ song lyrics (1 point for commitment to the bit), tried her very best to remember the saying “innocent until proven guilty” in regards to the allegations of child sexual abuse as detailed in the documentary Leaving Neverland.

And that was just the amuse bouche. The appetizer, entree, and dessert was served by MJ’s former spokesperson Raymone K. Bain, who calls herself a “preeminent international media strategist”. That’s so Raymone! I honestly got confused when she came up because I thought it was the first lady again after a quick wig and wardrobe change. Here’s Raymone discussing MJ’s mysterious missing will and imploring his “very close friend” Donald Trump to help her find it, and while he’s at it, also open up an investigation into his death.

Nervous laughter is ALWAYS a good sign. Is this your king/preeminent international media strategist?!?!? CNN added:

We’re still not sure what today’s mystery Michael Jackson announcement is about — but it is not about his will. Raymone K. Bain, the late singer’s former manager, said she does not have the document.

“I don’t have it, I don’t know where it is,” she said at a news conference. She added:

“I have wished, I have hoped and I have prayed that Michael Jackson’s will — dated Oct. 6, 2006 — would be found, revealed, discovered, dropped from the sky. Because in it, he painstakingly outlined how he wanted his legacy to be preserved and maintained.

Jesus Christ woman, have you even looked in the couch? Ultimately, all of this mess served only to announce the establishment of something called The Michael Jackson Legacy Foundation.

And so, in summary, the big news is that some lady who used to be MJ’s spokesperson has decided to bypass his estate and start a foundation which will benefit…..? Her? The creepy painting she’s standing next to? Nobody seems to know.

I guess we’ll just have to wait until Donald Trump produces this mysterious will and declares himself the beneficiary before we have any answers.

Pic: YouTube

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