Pabst Blue Ribbon has taken two great things, coffee and beer, and combined them together to make one gross thing. I guess ruining individual great things is America’s new favorite pass time. Heinz did it first with Mayomust and Mayocue and now Pabst wants in on the ruining action.
Daily Meal reports:
Can’t decide between the pick-me-up of coffee and the pleasant buzz of a beer? You can now have both. Beermaker Pabst Blue Ribbon is testing a new product, Pabst Hard Coffee, which is exactly what it sounds like: a combination of java and beer.
This new brew isn’t just another coffee-flavored beer, it’s really coffee spiked with alcohol. The company describes the drink as vanilla-infused premium iced coffee with 5 percent alcohol by volume. “It’s a fun and deliciously unique drink made using Arabica and Robusta coffee beans and rich, creamy American milk,” Pabst noted in a press release.
Creamy American milk? In a beer? I’m am all types of confused and I haven’t even had my coffee flavored beer this morning.
Sadly this isn’t available everywhere in America just yet.
Hard coffee may be coming for hard seltzer’s crown. But for now, you need to be in one of five states to crack open a can of this latest infusion. According to a tweet from PBR, the Hard Coffee is only available in Pennsylvania, Maine, New Jersey, Florida and Georgia.
LIKE FLORIDA NEEDS THIS! Florida barely survived the Four Loko craze, now you’re adding coffee to beer and pretending that the state that brought us George Zimmerman and horny alligators can handle this kind of madness?!
Pabst tweeted this response when asked about their hard coffee:
Hi! Right now our Hard Coffee is in limited release in Pennsylvania, Maine, New Jersey, Florida + Georgia. If you want to see if it is near you in any of those states, you can check out our Product Finder on our website. Let us know if you have any further questions!
— Pabst Blue Ribbon (@PabstBlueRibbon) July 1, 2019
So yes, Pabst we have further questions, like: Why? And what the hell? And did you think that instead of dealing with just drunk hipsters, we have to deal with drunk energized hipsters?
That said, reviewers are saying it’s not quite a coffee flavor but more like a Yoo-hoo flavor, and just like that, all my anger at Pabst Blue Ribbon has all but disappeared. Who hasn’t dreamed of drinking an alcoholic Yoo-hoo?
VinePair points out that numerous drinkers have already reviewed the new brew at Untappd, where it seems to appeal to those who like their drinks sweet. More than one reviewer compares Pabst Hard Coffee to the creamy childhood drink Yoo-hoo.
“Reese’s cups and vanilla wafers,” wrote reviewer Anthony. “Not beer, but not really trying to be. Alcoholic Yoo-hoo.” Meanwhile, Roger S. wrote, “Was not expecting this … coffee Yoo-hoo with alcohol. Win-win!”
Here’s hoping Pabst realizes the error of its ways and decides not to market this as a beer/coffee and as a Yoo-hoo beer instead, and we call all die happy like this guy in a Pabst coffin.