And The World Weeps: Idris Elba Is Now A Married Man

April 27, 2019 / Posted by:

It is with great sadness that I regretfully report that yesterday, Idris Elba, 46, married his fiancee Sabrina Dhowre, 29, in Marrakesh. To add insult to injury, British Vogue was there to cover the entire wedding in order to fucking rub it into all of our faces today. The only positive thing I have to say about this is that at least Idris and Sabrina ripped the Band-Aid off and wasted no time in getting married after breaking all of our hearts in February when they got engaged. Actually, I don’t think that helps. I’m going to need my full body Idris pillow and super-cut of the best of Stringer Bell from The Wire STAT while weeping on the couch with cheesecake. Why, Idris, why?!

I thought there were contracts stipulating that the Sexiest Man Alive can not be married during his reign so that us chaste respecting the ring type people could freely drool over pap photos and play the “Is That Idris’s Dick?” game. But apparently this is not the case, and Idris was lying to us all when he said that he would never get married again, because today he awoke as a thrice married man and husband to Miss Vancouver 2014.

Idris and Sabrina were married at Ksar Char Bagh Hotel. Sabrina, a model/actress type, wore the typical Vera Wang gown and Idris wore a suit by Ozwald Boateng. Bristish Vogue said that we can look forward to a full run down in the July issue, but they gave us a few details. It sounds as if there’s still time to pop over to Morocco and halt the proceedings if any of you crazy bitches feel that strongly about it:

The celebrations have been spread out over three days. Friends and family attended a “colours of the Souk” themed dinner the night before the wedding at the Amanjena. On April 27, they will attend an all-white party at the Mandarin Oriental, which will emulate the atmosphere of a festival.

People supplies a few more details of the event:

Before the ceremony, Elba and Dhowre hosted an extravagant rehearsal dinner at Amanjena on Thursday, according to Vogue.

“There was a huge festive party with camels and fire dancers and dancing,” a source tells PEOPLE.

Oh, to be the camel that Idris rode upon! Here’s that damn Sabrina looking gorgeous yesterday:

Sabrina had been soaking in the pre-wedding feels by posting hateful messages to her bachelorette photos on Instagram with the tags “Idrina” (I refuse to give them that cute couple name!)  and #archthatback (rub it in, why don’t you):

View this post on Instagram

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A post shared by Sabrina Dhowre (@sabrinadhowre) on

No matter what, through this heartbreaking betrayal, Idris is still the only Sexiest Man Alive that matters, whether he went behind our backs and got married again or not.

At least he wasn’t torturing us by wondering if he was popping a boner by choosing not to wear a bow tie on his special day. It’s the little condolences that count in this time of monumental sorrow.

Pic: Wenn.com

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