Last week, two diners at a seafood buffet in Alabama decided to take on-the-spot fencing lessons when they dueled over crab legs with tongs, much to the shock and awe of onlookers thinking, “This ain’t even real crab“. However, did you know that their fight was merely a sad imitation of the original, which took place in Queens, New York? And unlike the brawl which occurred during the only season of Seafood Smackdown, there’s a video that will make you weep for humanity while your new best friend Donna Brown provides the hilarious commentary.
On February 23, the Queens Buffet became a battleground of bullshit when two groups of people beat each other senseless over crab legs. The New York Post reports that a woman, whose name may or may not be Christine, was dining with her 10-year-old son when he grabbed way too many crab legs during the first go-round. That caused another unidentified customer to use her hips as a weapon to knock some sense into him. And so began the warning shot which made Christine check the woman for messing with her son.
“I was like, ‘Can you please do me a favor? I would appreciate it if you kept your hands off my child.’ And the mother comes over and she was like ‘You already had the first two batches,’” Christine said.
“I said ‘Listen, he’s 10-years-old, he’s going to grab maybe six or seven and we’re leaving. We’re gonna’ keep it moving.’ And she turns around and she goes ‘Privileged white bitch’ and that’s when everybody came over and started screaming,”
That caused an eruption of anger throughout the establishment. This is when Donna, who sensed the need for her exemplary videography skills, jumped into action like she was April O’Neil capturing a fight between The Foot Clan and the Ninja Turtles. Check it out below (fast forward to the 51 second mark for the round 1 bell).
There was no round 2 because WHY? Clearly once the fight made its way outside the crab legs were once again safe to be enjoyed by the people with patience. Christine’s ass got whipped, so she left with injuries and an empty stomach. Even Queens Buffet’s manager Budi Chan was left in awe from the incident. He claimed the fight involved one group of sixteen people versus a group of seven, both of which had children with them.
“It was out of control because at that time it was full so we were busy with customers. I know they started shouting, yelling so I just told them ‘Calm down, calm down,’” said Chan, who called 911.
He added: “They were hitting each other and I saw they pulled the hair.”
Chan said that by the time police arrived on the scene the fight was over and the customers involved had left.
Budi admitted that people always lose their minds when the crab legs come out because there’s never enough for everyone, which only prompts the question: Why don’t you buy more then? Or why even offer it in the first place? A buffet is supposed to be a safe space where one can undo that top button and engage in some good old fashioned gluttony. Who wants to be ducking and dodging haymakers around all of that food? Hell, that’s unnecessary exercise.