Teresa Giudice’s “Prostitution whor-ah! You were fucking engaged, 19 times? You’re a fucking bitch!” line is going to have to be updated to “Prostitution whor-ah! You were fucking engaged, 21 times? You’re a fucking bitch!” Because Danielle Staub of the Real Housewives of New Jersey is engaged for the 21st time and is wasting no time in getting divorce #4 in there.
According to People, Danielle Staub is engaged again, a week after her messy 2-month marriage to Marty Caffrey officially ended. Danielle is now engaged to an alleged rich dude with the alleged rich-people-job (I think) of managing director of a private equity firm Olivier Maier.
Danielle’s new fiancé Olivier Maier is German and French and he’s also the Duke of Provence so when they marry she will be the Duchess, which Danielle allegedly didn’t know about until recently. If she’s not just playing dumb, them damn, don’t you research your victims better, Danielle?
RHONJ's Danielle Staub Is Engaged a Week After Divorce — and She's Going to Be a Duchess! https://t.co/Tl6f4eJbjM
— People (@people) March 1, 2019
56-year-old Danielle says that she’s “madly in love” which I believe because Olivier seems rich and Future Duchess Danielle would fall in love with a dead crotch crab if it whipped out a Platinum AMEX. They got engaged this past Thursday and Danielle is not wasting any time and they’re getting married this coming Monday. Former worst-enemy but new best-friend Teresa Giudice will be in attendance.
“I’m feeling elated and excited for the next stage of my life. I’m going to marry the man of my possible dreams and hopefully I’ll spend the rest of my life in bliss.”
Don’t you love how Danielle is realistic? “The man of my possible dreams” leaving room open for a divorce: wise choice, sis!
Future Duchess Danielle and Olivier met in October when he was dating another woman, but after seeing Danielle he was like “Oh my god, I have to let this woman take half of my earnings in a calendar year!” and needed to get married to her quick!
At first Danielle was like yuck: “I quite frankly couldn’t stand him when I first met him.” But then she learned about that his family owns 15 vineyards in the South of France and two castles…
Danielle told People that she wasn’t “open” to marriage after Marty, but she changed her mind because Olivier was relentless in pursuing the woman who would later take his money in a divorce (I’m not being a bitch, I’m just using the evidence provided):
“People have preconceived notions about her from reality TV, but she’s a smart woman. And I was instantly attracted to that.”
For weeks Olivier tried to woo Danielle and then he won her with a kiss:
“In that moment I said, ‘Wow,’… he did not let off the throttle, and he pursued me adamantly. And he got what he wanted. We fell madly in love.”
This will be Olivier’s second marriage and Danielle’s fourth, as well as her 21st engagement.
Danielle is already planning her future with Olivier:
“Most likely we’ll be spending a lot of time in France… We’ll be going to castles and all that, and living in Paris for a certain amount of months out of the year… It’s going to be far different than Jersey, that’s for sure.”
I’m not even sure if “Duke of Province” is a real title, so it’d be a real PLOT TWIST if this Olivier Maier dude turned out to be a conman named Oliver Meyer from Staten Island and is marrying Danielle to get half of HER money. But for now, that’s Duchess Prostitution Whore-ah to you!