In December, aspiring gay sugar babies and boy toys in the Tri-state area all crossed “Be Andy Cohen’s Kept Boy” off their list of goals to achieve in 2019 after finding out that a baby was moving into Andy Cohen’s apartment full-time and will be living there for at least 18 years. Only this baby is an actual baby. Andy announced that he hired a surrogate to carry the heir to his reality shit show empire, and that kid is now here to live a life of gazing at Uncle Anderson Cooper’s glorious silver locks on Barry Diller’s yacht and dodging wine glasses thrown by Housewives at reunions.
50-year-old Andy announced the birth of his son in Los Angeles yesterday evening. Surprisingly, Andy Cohen didn’t host a Bravo special where he made Housewives battled each other in a glass-throwing and table-flipping match to win the prestigious honor of their boss naming his first born after them. Instead, Andy gave his son the normal name of Benjamin Allen Cohen. Below is a pic of Andy Cohen and Andy Cohen’s titty fur. Oh, and yeah, the baby is in the corner.
Before Baby BAC showed up, Andy had two baby showers: one was filled with drunk twerking Housewives (and John Mayer) and the other one had Carrie Bradshaw and Kelly Ripa. So I’m sure they’ll all throw Baby BAC a welcome party, and so he should prepare himself for the sight of Kyle Richards twerking on the edge of his crib as a drunken Ramona Singer sucks on John Mayer’s third nipple while wearing a baby bonnet. In other words, Baby BAC should just stay hiding in his dad’s chest fur.
And congrats to Baby BAC who not only gets Anderson Cooper as an uncle, but will also never be without bottom shelf wine that tastes like sweet vinegar, Skinny Girl baby formula, Alexis Couture lace onesies, Sonja Morgan-brand toaster ovens, and anything else from a Housewives’ line of crap.