Here is excellent news for all of you nasty true crime freaks that have run out of episodes of Forensic Files and Cold Justice to lull you to sleep night after night. The OG king of the crime shows, Unsolved Mysteries, is getting the reboot treatment. Netflix has announced that it has picked up twelve episodes of the show that made us kids of the 80s and 90s fear windowless vans and invitations to pet strangers’ kittens with the promise of candy. But will it really be Unsolved Mysteries if they can’t bring Robert Stack and his creepy as shit deadpan delivery back from the dead?
There are over 500 episodes of Unsolved Mysteries, which bounced between NBC, CBS, Lifetime and Spike from 1987 until it finally took its last breath in 2010. Well, it looks like it was just in a nine year coma, because it is definitely back. It’s looking like Unsolved Mysteries won’t get the same standard Hubba Bubba bubble gum coated treatment as the other perfect shows from the 80s and 90s that are on the list to be
destroyed revived, because unlike most of those shows, Unsolved Mysteries is coming back with the original producers. Not only that, but Stranger Things, executive producer Shawn Levy has been lassoed in to help.
The streamer announced today that the cultural touchstone is being revived by the original creators alongside Stranger Things co-creator Shawn Levy, and this time it’s being billed as a “global original documentary series.” Each of the 12 episodes on order will dig into a single mystery, and with a “global” scope, they should have enough unsolved cases to make new installments until the world ends or Netflix runs out of money — whichever comes first.
Netflix also confirmed the news on Twitter:
“Unsolved Mysteries” is coming back to haunt a new generation! The original creators have teamed up with the producers of #StrangerThings for a modern take on the series that will once again look to viewers to help aid investigators in closing the book on long outstanding cases. pic.twitter.com/9DkcynjlhV
— See What's Next (@seewhatsnext) January 18, 2019
But the question is, who will take the place of Robert Stack, Raymond Burr, Karl Malden and (to a lesser degree, since he didn’t creep me out as much as the other dudes) Dennis Farina as host? The natural choice, of course, is the current Queen of Justice Cardi B, who recently led an Instagram rally cry to end pussy wedgies.
But we shouldn’t forget the unsung and best host of Unsolved Mysteries there ever was, the irreplaceable Virginia Madsen. Not only is Virginia just perfect unto herself, but she grew up with her creepy ass brother Michael Madsen, so knows what she’s talking about when it comes to scary as shit perps and potential violators of justice. I checked Virginia’s schedule, and I’m pretty sure she’d be happy to take a break from the Swamp Thing revival to swing by and help out over on Unsolved Mysteries.
Pic: Cosgrove-Meurer Productions