He’s Just Not That Into You, Thor

November 23, 2018 / Posted by:

Because I guess Leonardo DiCatchAHo wants to remain alpha of the Pussy Posse and knows that he won’t get his pick of model cooch if Thor is around him, he supposedly twice dropped a fart (a low-emission green fart, I’m sure)  on the idea of being Chris Hemsworth’s friend. That’s what Chris’ trainer says anyway.

Luke Zocchi, who has long been Chris’ friend and trainer, was on the Australian morning radio show Fitzy and Wippa, which surprisingly enough isn’t hosted by a long-lost Teletubby and the spoiled Bichon Frise of a Real Housewife of Melbourne. Fitzy and Wippa are two dudes. But before we get into Luke’s tale of the Pussy Posse Grand Master snubbing Thor, let me answer an important question you’re definitely asking yourself, which is, “If Thor looks like THAT, what does his trainer look like?” Answer:

Glad we could get the important stuff out of the way first.

Luke says that he was in Japan with Chris for the Thor 2 press tour, and they found out that Leonardo and his entourage were staying at the same hotel as them. Since 35-year-old Chris is a multi-millionaire movie star and 44-year-old Leo is a multi-millionaire movie star, he figured the two should hang out for a second. But I guess Leonardo would rather lick the crusty, wrinkled geriatric nipple of a 25-and-a-half-year-old model than drink a beer with Thor.

“Poor Chris. We were on a press tour for Thor 2. We were in Japan, we were staying at the Ritz Carlton and DiCaprio was there with his whole posse. There was like 10 of his crew there. Chris was reaching out to his publicist going, ‘Get Leo, I want to have a beer with him.’ He never replied.”

Chris didn’t take the hint, I guess, and when he saw Leo in the lobby of their hotel, he waved. Leo then busted out the all-male reboot of the legendary classic: Jessica Lange Mistakes Lea Michele For A Wall.

“We were standing in the lobby. I remember Chris waving and I remember turning and DiCaprio’s marching through the lobby with 15 dudes and he just walked straight past Chris. I turned to Chris and I was like, ‘Oh this is so awkward right now.’ He’s like, ‘Oh god.’ It was amazing,”

Chris Hemsworth is basically a Golden Retriever with an eight-pack. He just wants to be loved. But sorry, Thor, even though you’re a gorgeous blonde with stunning, tits two things called “not being 20 years old and not having a cooze” will forever keep Leonardo from wanting to spend time with you.

Pics: Wenn.com

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