I’m sure that as soon as Duchess Meghan and Prince Hot Ginge officially became heir-producing machines by getting married, THE QUEEN would greet Meghan by sniffing her crotch for possible period blood fumes, and would regularly pop up at the foot of their bed with a bottle of Spanish Fly, a bluetooth speaker blasting some Barry White, and a sparkle in her eye that says, “Time to make the squishy squishy and give the monarch another royal.” Because Meghan’s job, besides brushing her hair 500 times until it’s princess perfect shiny and selling out clothes, is to pussy pop out another royal. Well, some think that Meghan may be close to fulfilling that job requirement just a few months after getting married.
PHG and Meghan were at the 100 Days to Peace gala in London last night, and she wore a blue Jason Wu dress with ruffles going down the front. Now, normally blue ruffles on the crotch zone should make people point and scream, “Bitch, you’ve got Smurf pussy lips!” But instead, those blue ruffles made people point and scream, “Bitch, you’re pregnant!” A source also tells the always reputable Australian tabloid New Idea that Meghan is pregnant with a PHG Jr. and that she won’t be at the Invictus Games in Sydney next month:
“The palace is talking in riddles without stating the obvious. But Meghan will pull out of the Games and, more importantly, her first royal tour to Australia and New Zealand, once they make the official announcement – when she is given the three-month all clear.”
So according to New Idea, Meghan isn’t at the three-month mark yet, but she won’t be able to travel in October. I, of course, believe New Idea, because I’m sure their sources are gynecologists, but WebMD tells me that it’s okay to fly up until the third trimester, and even then, many airlines will let a pregnant lady fly up until 36 weeks. But then again, WebMD also gave me this message while I was searching: Oh, and you person searching, you’ve got stage 4 cancer. I can tell from your fingertips on the keyboard.
So either Duchess Meghan is pregnant, or she just wore a dress that gave her the illusion of being pregnant (a Trompe-l’œil baby bump, if you will), because she was tired of THE QUEEN popping up in their bed at night with a plate of oysters and saying, “These always get Philly and I nice and horny!”