Paris Hilton Has Pushed Back Her Wedding

August 15, 2018 / Posted by:

Pour one out for Paris Hilton because she’s pushed back her wedding to Chris Zylka (the dress handler on the right) I guess this doesn’t mean for sure that they’re breaking up, but lets be real: it suggests it.

Page Six is reporting that the 37-year-old Paris and 33-year-old Chris have moved their wedding date. The two got engaged back in January when Paris bought herself a fucking expensive diamond-ring and pretended that Chris got it for her. The definition of true love. Ever since the two have been yucking it up doing fun couple shit like walking through airports and talking crap about Lindsay Lohan to paparazzi.

It seems like the honeymoon phase is over before it even started because Page Six has a source who is saying that this show is not getting on the road, it’s stalling out in the middle of the highway and getting t-boned by 14-wheeler.

“They were all set to get married in November… But they have pushed it to May. She wanted more time to plan.”

Ah yes, what a highly believable reasoning. For sure somebody who is so wealthy they could hire party planners to throw events for every bat mitzvah in Brentwood needs more time to plan an event. It’s not like 11 months is a long enough time to pay multiple people to plan a wedding for you.

But maybe I’m being petty. Perhaps Paris is just taking the time to carefully concoct a party so fabulously tacky and pink Malibu Barbie would throw up in her purse upon entering. A wedding so bejewelled and reflective, Elton John needs to close his eyes, take a breath and pop a Gravol. A wedding so full of shit and high on itself that Donald Trump will sue for copyright infringement. Hideousness takes time.


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