Roseanne Barr Is Already Threatening Us With A Return To TV

July 2, 2018 / Posted by:

It’s been a little over a month since Roseanne Barr’s Ambien-powered tweetin’ fingers fucked with an easy check when her show Roseanne got canceled because she just couldn’t help herself and shat up a racist tweet about Valerie Jarrett. Since then, ABC has ordered a Roseanne-less spin-off of Roseanne called The Conners. And surprisingly, Roseanne hasn’t tried to prove that she’s not a racist by going away for a few weeks before hitting the pap stroll hand-in-hand with Al Sharpton while holding a certificate that shows she graduated with honors from Starbucks diversity training program. Instead of doing that, Roseanne bought a jumbo-sized bottle of glycerin tears at Costco and she’s been crying in interviews including one where she said that she’s been offered tons of deals to make her triumphant return to television and she’s very close to taking one. To quote my sister when I told her I couldn’t go to the movies with her because I had an actual date with an actual human man, “Sure, girl.

Roseanne was back on her friend Rabbi Shmuley Boteach’s podcast, and they mostly talked about the Torah, but of course she used some of the time to talk about losing her show. Roseanne said again that she’s not a racist, and that she feels like her signing off her rights to the spin-off and not taking a cent is penance. But as for giving an apology to the woman she compared to a monkey, Roseanne says she’s been praying for God to spit the right apology into her head. via WaPo

“The right words, to me, don’t really exist in the lexicon. [I’m] still praying for the right words.”

You know, I think God did answer her prayers, because at Target yesterday, I did see a Papyrus card that read, “Dear Black Person, I’m Sorry I Called You A Monkey.”

While many don’t buy Roseanne’s apologies, apparently some in Hollywood have. She claims she’s practically drowning in offers and there’s a good chance her face will be on TV screens again soon.

“I’ve already been offered so many things and I almost already accepted one really good offer to go back on TV and I might do it. But we’ll see.”

I haven’t heard about the KKK starting their own network and greenlighting a political talk show about race in America, so methinks Roseanne is going all Trump by reaching new levels of delusion while talking herself up. Or maybe she had another Ambien hallucination where every network head got on their knees and sucked her ass while begging her back. Bitch should really switch to Lunesta.


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