Open Post: Hosted By The “Fanny Pack” Slide By Nike

May 31, 2018 / Posted by:

Move over Crocs, there’s a new shoe in town that’s gonna make Michael K wanna hurl! Nike just announced that it’s now offering a “fanny pack” edition of their absurdly popular Benassi JDI slides. Because, fuck pockets! Also fuck fashion, fuck your eyes, fuck the world, fuck your feet! Oh, I forgot to mention fuck functionality because those stingy little pockets may hold a couple of rolled up bills, but they ain’t holding shit else.

According to The Cut:

Nike just announced that they’re rolling out editions of their beloved (by dads and hypebeasts) Benassi JDI slides with zippered pouches on the top.

Behold, the Benassi JDI Fanny Pack Slide, coming soon to a frat house or laundromat near you!

Leaving the obvious vulgarity and ugliness of these shoes aside, the worst part is the fact that to put anything in them (or to take anything out) you’d have to either take them off or bend all the way the fuck over. Fuck if I’m going to be bending down in the middle of the street to unzip my foot fanny pack for my chapstick. And I’m not gonna reach down and pull my shoe off in public, exposing my cracked and ashy hooves just because I want to leave a penny in the dish at 7-11. If I’m taking a sandal off in public it’s because I’m either about to get a pedicure, or I’m about to whoop on a trick. Neither happen very often but when they do, it’s over for you bitches!

Pic: Instagram

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