Stormy Daniels And Roseanne Barr Got Into It On Twitter

May 4, 2018 / Posted by:

Shake out those wrists and crack your knuckles, it’s time for another game of Tweet Fighter! Last time we played, Donald Trump get owned by Alec Baldwin. This time, it’s the president’s alleged mistress vs. the president’s favorite TV mom.

Let’s get started but first you must choose your player.

Player 1, Roseanne Barr: Conservative nut job with a network TV show. Special powers: Nostalgia, Loud, abrasive voice that can burst eardrums but is diminished in the Tweet Fighting arena, is friends with the President of the United States. Weakness: Is dumb.

Player 2, Stormy Daniels: Porn star and alleged ex-mistress of The President Of The United States. Special Powers: Name kind of sounds like a superhero, Sex positivity, is friends with Michael Avenatti The Hottie. Weakness: Fucked Donald Trump.

Please note that you’re going to have to play as Stormy in the first couple of rounds because Rosanne is very busy at the moment pimping her show and patting herself on the back.

Are you ready to rumble?

Round 1: Who You Callin’ A Ho?

The inciting incident for this battle was a deleted tweet from an account that has since been suspended. The tweet said “lowest of the low prostitute talking shit, jog on”. Here’s Stormy’s round 1 volley.

Stormy isn’t a hooker, dummy. You played yourself. Advantage: Stormy

Round 2: Class Acts

Some lady chimes in with another dig at Stormy, calling her “class” into question.

I must have missed it when Stormy was giving lectures on How To Keep It Classy When Getting Your Ass Chewed Out For Profit, and I’m sorry if I did. Sassy Southern Diva, have you been paying attention at all? Advantage: Stormy.

Round 3: Remember That Weird Movie Tiptoes?

Medium star Patricia Arquette (yes that does work 2 ways, thanks for noticing) jumps in because we’re all connected in this crazy journey we call life.

Meh. Advantage: Nobody

Round 4: Enter The Dragon

Here comes “America’s mom” Roseanne Barr with the fire!

Yes, “America’s mom” is on here talking about anal sex with a porn star who allegedly fucked the sitting President of The United States and I’m here making stupid jokes about it like it’s no big deal because this is where we are. We’re here. Anyway, I can’t give this to Rosanne because this observation is apropos of nothing. Advantage: Our nation’s enemies.

Round 5: Do You Even Anal?

Storm’s a brewin’ and here comes the thunder.

Twat is one of my absolute favorite words so, Advantage: Stormy!

That should be the end of this Tweet Fight battle but a dark horse just entered the race out of left field, rendering my clumsy attempts at sports analogy obsolete!

Advantage: Nancy! In fact, the entire battle goes to Nancy, a self-proclaimed “unrepentant meat-eating lesbian & proud 3rd generation Liberian”. The rest of you can go home, Nancy’s got it from here.


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