We all know the basic Jurassic Park formula by now: Take one part remote island, one part ego driven scientist, one part scary monsters, one part greedy corporate entity, one part dashing hero, one part imperiled children, one part screaming lady and one part Jeff Goldblum. Add a dash of sweeping music and you’ve got yourself a blockbuster! But really, there are only so many times this formula is going to work. Sooner or later you have gotta change it up. We’re now on the 5th iteration with Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom whose tag line is “Life, Uh, Finds a Way”, let’s see if they’ve monkeyed with the formula.
Here’s the trailer:
Looks like the producers were paying close attention to the criticism people had of the last movie. The screaming lady/greedy corporate entity has been softened up and given sensible shoes. No more tight blazers, blunt bangs or running in heels for this gal! Bryce Dallas Howard is all about wispy curls and natural cotton fibers and has a heart as big as a T-Rex now. You glow, girl! The imperiled children are now imperiled dinos! What a world! Could it be that humanity has finally learned its lesson about hubris and greed and is now faced with owning up to and addressing the consequences of our actions? Not bloody likely! Because if that lesson were learned, Chris Pratt wouldn’t have that weird orange caterpillar on his top lip. He should know better than to try to grow a mustache in a clearly inhospitable environment. Dinosaurs don’t belong in a theme park, and a Burt Reynolds ‘stache doesn’t belong on Chris Pratt. It’s unnatural.
The biggest problem with the last one was there was no Jeff Goldblum in it. Well, thank the heavens above because they’ve corrected this egregious error. I literally gasped when he popped up on screen. I was falling asleep and Jeff Goldblum popping up on screen was like getting an ice cold martini thrown in my face and I should know because that has actually happened to me before.
The film comes out in June of 2018 and if the scary monsters and greedy corporate entities don’t get us all killed by then, I’ll definitely see this. Because what else are we going to do with ourselves as the world implodes? Sudoku?