The Disney Channel Is Remaking “Hocus Pocus”

You would think that remaking what is arguably (to me at least) the best movie about witchcraft would be the sort of thing that would surely curse a person for life. But apparently someone at the Disney Channel isn’t afraid of a spooky black cat slipping into their office and spiking their latte with a little eye of newt. Deadline says that the Disney Channel has decided to remake the 1993 Halloween classic Hocus Pocus as a TV movie.

A Hocus Pocus sequel has been rumored to the in the works for years, but this isn’t the sequel we were all hoping for. According to Deadline, this “reimagining” of Hocus Pocus is happening because the film has achieved a bit of a cult status after repeat airings on the Disney Channel and Freeform. The remake will be written by Scarlett Lacey, who wrote several episodes of The Royals.

The Disney Channel’s remake will have an entirely new cast and Bette Midler, Kathy Najimy and Sarah Jessica Parker aren’t expected to be in it. That’s a mistake. Hocus Pocus is nothing without Bette chewing the scenery like she’s breaking in a new set of dentures, Kathy Najimy acting like a hungry squirrel trapped in a human’s body, and Sarah Jessica Parker slutting-it-up as much as that PG rating will allow. There’s also a talking cat, and a full two-minute-long performance of “I Put a Spell on You.” Not to mention  the fact that it’s a kids movie that features a triple hanging and a one-eyed spell book that looks like it was made from foreskins. Honestly, the original Hocus Pocus is perfect. It’s so perfect, it even provides the perfect picture of Bette Midler saying everything that needs to be said about this remake news in a single look.

Pics: Walt Disney Pictures