Anthony Weiner Will Head To The Slammer

September 25, 2017 / Posted by:

Perhaps the most unfortunate but aptly named ho in town, Anthony Weiner found out Monday he’ll be spending just under two years in the pokey.

TMZ says the former congressman and estranged husband of Hillary Clinton’s trusted aide Huma Abedin pled guilty in May for sexting, Skype sex-ing, and being generally cyber nasty with a 15-year-old North Carolina girl he met on Twitter. Suddenly the “A” part in all those “A/S/L?” messages I got in AOL gay chatrooms back in the stone ages seems like an incredibly smart move. Huma filed for divorce from Anthony the same day he pled guilty.

Apparently the judge could have handed down as much as ten years in jail, so 21 months and a $10,000 fine seems pretty kind. Anthony wept while the judge noted, “This was a serious crime. It’s a serious crime that deserves serious punishment.” Anthony pleaded for probation so he can continue treatment that includes attending Sex Addicts Anonymous. Prosecutors responded that if Martha Stewart got sent to the slammer for trying to skim a little money off some rich pill pushers, this Skype skank sure as shit better do time behind bars. They didn’t exactly phrase it like that, but I know how to read between the legal lines.

Anthony will also have to participate in a sex offender outpatient treatment program and spend three years after prison on supervised release, which I hope includes a ban on Craigslist. Those personal ads are bad enough without having to worry about running into a politician at the local glory hole – that would just make the whole experience seem a little declassé.


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