“They Feel The Heat. The Heat Between Me And Youuuuuuuuu”

July 21, 2016 / Posted by:

All together now! “How can you just leave me standing? Alone in a world that’s so cold? (Soooooooooo cold!)”

Like the first and second nights of the Republican National Convention, the third night provided more messy awkwardness than bareback ass sex between two people on a juice cleanse. The inspiration for the Trollface meme, Ted Cruz, got the BOO BITCH treatment when he refused to officially endorse the prolapsed hemorrhoid clinging to the inside of his party’s butt walls. Laura Ingraham was accused of pledging her allegiance to Hitler. And Vice Presidential nominee, Mike Pence, stamped “return to sender” on the air kiss that Donald Trump blew at him.

After Anti-Gay Silver Daddy Pence spoke to the people, Donald Trump came out to greet him. Apparently, it’s tradition for the candidates to join hands and do a congratulatory double fisting into the air. But either Trump is continuing to shit on tradition or he’s an old-fashioned romantic, because he skipped the fisting and instead tried to plant an air kiss on Pence’s face. Even though the former (sad face) Trump/Pence logo has gone all the way and got into some p-hole creampie fun, Mike Pence is not ready to go to first base with Trump. This isn’t exactly “Trump motorboating Mayoress Rudella Giuliani” levels of awkward, but it’s up there.

That’s like a cross between a “kissy fish trying to eat food that’s not there” and a “fresh-off-the-bus innocent ingenue awkwardly giggling at the creepy movie producer who has promised to make her a star, baby.

And it’s way too early in the day for me to check and expose my eyes to that, but has anyone (read: Ted Cruz) yet Photoshopped Tiny Trump in Mike Pence’s left hand?

Pic: Getty

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