Uncle Terry Is Officially Daddy Terry Now

March 22, 2016 / Posted by:

Around five months ago, we learned that Terry Richardson did something we didn’t think was possible for him to do. He shot out a jizz load into a plastic cup instead of on a model’s face while taking her picture. Uncle Terry said the words that made NYC’s Child Protective Services double their staff. Uncle Terry announced that and he and his former assistant/current girlfriend Alexandra “Skinny” Bolotow made a pair of babies together.

Just the other day, I saw a picture on Instagram of Skinny’s baby-growing dome looking about as big as Jupiter, and I figured that maybe those children decided to just stay in that Uncle Terry-free zone. You know, they could’ve gotten their food through Seamless and binge-watched every damn show Netflix has to offer. But well, those babies are now out of Skinny’s body and probably wearing red flannel onesies and tiny black aviators as Uncle Terry hands out dick-shaped blue cigars and gets his baker to make a raspberry jelly-filled cake reenactment of his kids’ birth. Because Skinny popped out twin boys over the weekend. Terry announced it on his Instagram today:

Watching this woman rock it through an insane delivery and push out our babies was the most intense, inspiring, exhilerating, and humbling experience of my life. So blessed and grateful for this sweet family. Welcome to the world Rex + Roman. March 19th, 2016 6:23pm and 6:35pm, 6lbs 1 oz and 6lbs 10oz

Roman… I guess naming the other one “Woody” would’ve ruined his reputation as the reigning king of subtlety. Now that Uncle Terry is a father to babies, that’s our cue to find out the safest way to scoop out our eyeballs with plastic sporks to dip them in a mixture of boiling ammonia and bleach, because he’s definitely going to cover the Internet with his take on Anne Geddes-style pictures.

Pic: Instagram

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