Two strange things have happened: 1. Terry Richardson jizzed up into someone’s body instead of all over their face while taking their picture. 2. The ovary of that someone he jizzed up into didn’t immediately pull down its security gate and slap a “WE HAVED MOVED! NO FORWARDING ADDRESS!” sign on it as soon as it saw Uncle Terry’s nasty sperm fishes swimming toward it. I thought all women were born with that protective gene. I guess not. Because Page Six says that soon, the humanized skid mark on a pair of crunchy American Apparel chonies is going to be a father to an actual human being. SANTO DIOS!
Page Six was the first to report the news that 50-year-old Uncle Terry knocked up his 30-something former assistant/current girlfriend Alexandra Bolotow. Child Protective Services of New York has only 5 to 6 months to hire a brand new department devoted to Uncle Terry only, because the fetus in Alex’s womb is around 3 to 4 months old. Uncle Terry confirmed the news on Instagram and let us all know that not only one baby will have his DNA, but two will. I also take back strange thing #2 in my first paragraph, because it sounds like they did IVF.
Babies’ first Page Six shout out! We weren’t planning to make this news quite so public quite so soon, because we are very cautious after going through some very difficult and heartbreaking losses, and always afraid of jinxing it, but since the cat is out of the bag… Skinny and I are very excited to let you guys know that we are expecting TWINS in the spring!!! This has been a difficult journey and we are so thankful to be surrounded by so much love and support from our friends and family, and some incredibly smart doctors! I’m sure the kids will be excited to use this as a Throwback Thursday one of these days!!!
Uncle Terry first met Alex 10 years ago when she was a student at NYU and interned for him. She’s posed (aka sucked his dick while he took her picture) for him several times. They have reportedly been a thing since last year. Alex has been one of Uncle Terry’s loudest character witnesses and defended his ICK NAST ass against all the models who say that the visual definition of skeeze violated and sexually assaulted them.
You know how Uncle Terry makes people give a thumbs up while taking their picture? Why do I have a feeling that the first time he takes his twins’ picture, they’re going to give a thumbs down. But seriously, it’s probably going to be really weird for Uncle Terry to hear someone call him “daddy” and mean it literally. And yes, I typed that with one hand while using the other hand to scrub my skin off with a Chore Boy.
And here’s soon-to-be Daddy Terry (UGH!!!) and soon-to-be Uncie Jare Jare walking around in NYC over a week ago.
Pic: Getty, Splash