Madonna Isn’t A Drunken Mess! She’s Just Doing Acting Stuff, Okay?!

Seen above looking like Goddess Bunny’s boozed up, dark-sided great aunt, Godless Clowny, Madonna is pissing on the rumors that she is spiking the usual virgin blood she drinks with vodka and getting drunk during her shows.

Madge’s “secret show” in Melbourne looked like a lounge act starring a fourth-rate Marlene Dietrich impersonator who works as a clown on the side and will also sell you a bag of pills from her dressing room later if you ask. And during her Rebel Heart show, also in Melbourne, she fell off a tricycle, guzzled from a bottle of the sweet nectar and asked someone to please fuck her. If you traded that tricycle with a barstool, that scene would be me on a Friday night at the bar. After Madge brought the messiness to Melbourne, there were tabloid reports saying that Madge is dealing with her Rocco Ritchie woes by getting plastered before and during her shows. She’s also been getting shit for showing up hours late to her shows.

I didn’t think anything of the drunk rumors. Madge is a master control freak, so I don’t think would let herself get drunk. She might drop the puppet strings if she did. I figured the whole drunk sad clown thing was just Madge giving us HIGH ART and also reminding us of her impeccable thespian talents. If you’ve seen Shanghai Surprise, you know what impeccable thespian talents I’m talking about.

Well, yesterday, Madge posted a note on Instagram from a die-hard fan who defended his queen by saying that she’s a true professional and the stories about her being drunk are misogyny at work. Madge co-signed what he said. I guess when they spun the OUTRAGE wheel, they landed on “misogyny.”

Thanks for supporting me. Too bad people don't know the art of acting and playing a character. I could never do any of my shows high or drunk. And yes underlying all of this is sexism and mysongony which proves that not only do we not get equal pay bUt we are still treated like heretics if we step out of line and think outside the box! . Sexism is alive and kicking but i am ❤️#livingforlove

A photo posted by Madonna (@madonna) on Mar 14, 2016 at 9:33pm PDT

“Mysongony.” Either that’s the European spelling of “misogyny” or she’s really going far with her drunk mess act.

I say that Madge needs to keep fucking that chicken, because I love her drunken sad clown act. It’s very Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? as seen through the eyes of David Lynch. I also say that we should slow clap for Madge for speaking out about the gender wage gap. Madge is all about the sisterhood. Now kneel down on the floor, you women. You’re blocking her light!