Elton John is turning 69 years old next month. I’ve always felt that if you’re lucky enough to reach your sexiest year, you should reward yourself by doing the bare minimum required. Elton John could be wheeled onto the stage on a rolling chair like Mimi with a boombox blasting “Crocodile Rock” and I’d say, “He’s earned that, he’s 69.” But that’s apparently not going to happen, because Elton isn’t interested in saying, “Fuck it,” to effort just yet. And he’s definitely not interested in watching performers who do.
Elton made it known that he does not play with people who fake their vocals when he accused Madonna of lip syncing back in the day. After calling Madonna a “fairground stripper,” the two kissed and made up…for now. I guess he needed a new person to hiss at, because now he’s coming for Janet Jackson. During a recent interview with Rolling Stone, Elton John took a swipe at Miss Jackson by accusing her performance vocals of being about as real as [insert the Jackson joke of your choice here].
“You know, fucking music magazines writing a review of Janet Jackson saying, ‘This is the greatest show – four and a half stars.’ It’s fucking lip-synced! Hello! That’s not a show! I’d rather go and see a drag queen. Fuck off.”
To be honest, I too would rather spend my pennies on a drag queen version of Janet Jackson. But that’s mostly because I really really want to see Coco Montrese’s perfect paint-by-numbers Janet nose in person.
I know Elton is all about integrity or whatever, but I think he’d probably really like lip syncing. Elton is a showman at heart, and if Britney Spears has taught us anything, it’s that lip syncing allows you to concentrate on the more important aspects of performing. Like armography. And yes, I know armography would technically prevent him from playing the piano, but do you want to put on a show or not, Elton? Speaking of artistry, here’s Elton and his husband David Furnish, who is teaching an expert-level class in how to work the hell out of a cute lil’ neckerchief.