Every Super Bowl is pretty damn gay, but Super Bowl 50 is super, super gay. Like always, we’ve got muscle queens in satin leggings playing with balls and pounding each other’s asses hard, and this year we’ve also got Lady Gaga opening this shit up and Beyonce doing the halftime show. They should’ve went all the way by bringing Richard Simmons out of retirement to be one of the team’s head cheerleader.
Anyway, Lady CaCa yodeled out “The National Anthem” at the beginning of the Super Smoke A Bowl today and nearly half of the hos on my Twitter timeline were screaming, “Bitch can sing her face off!” Well, I do think she sang her face off in rehearsals, because she was wearing a totally different one during the actual performance. I didn’t mind, though, because she looked like a mash-up of Effie Trinket as a 70s pimp and a Thundercat going to a Fourth of July party at Studio 54.
And as for her performance, she laid it on thick and brought all the extras. Kanye West’s ass was probably stuck to the screen the whole time because Lady Gaga kept waving her finger around.
I was aaaaaaaaalmost with CaCa until that chest bump. Celine Dion’s husband and brother just died and Gaga does her wrong by stealing her trademark move on a Sunday? Jail Gaga for that!