Madonna Thinks Guy Ritchie Is Trying To Brainwash Their Son

“Wheee! Isn’t this fun? Say it with me: this is fun. This is fun. More fun than mom. What? Did I say mom? That was weird and totally unintentional.”

If reading about Gwyneth Paltrow’s ~so~ perfect relationship with her ex-husband yesterday made you gag and think “God, doesn’t ANYBODY hate their exes anymore?“, I have good news for you. Madonna still hates Guy Ritchie with the fire of 1000 burning anal warts. UsWeekly says Madonna hates him so much, she’s pulled out her pointin’ finger and accused her ex-cunt of trying to brainwash their son, Rocco Ritchie.

Even though a judge ordered him to pack his bags and return to his mama’s house six weeks ago, Rocco is still living with his dad in London, because Rocco doesn’t want shit to do with Madonna. Madonna’s original theory about Runaway Rocco was that Guy had been talking shit about her for years to their son in an attempt to recruit him onto Team Your Mom Sucks. Now she thinks he’s been doing more than just casually rolling his eyes and muttering “wanker” under his breath.

A source close to Madonna says she thinks Guy has been trying to brainwash Rocco before their next custody hearing, which is happening today. Guy has apparently been pushing the hard sell on Rocco by constantly telling him he should be living in London and not with his mom in New York. The source also claims Guy has taken a Kris Jenner approach to education by telling Rocco he can pretty much drop out any time he wants because school is for fools. Madonna isn’t a fan of quitting and wants him to stay in school. Again, she thinks he might be encouraging Rocco to drop out as a form of attempted brainwashing.

As for how Madonna is taking it all, the source says she feels “incredibly hurt” and that the situation is “really horrible.” Basically, on a scale of Desperately Seeking Susan to Shanghai Surprise, it’s a Swept Away.

So to recap: Guy’s brainwashing technique includes aggressively talking trash about Rocco’s mom, isolating Rocco from his mom, and encouraging him to drop out of school. I think the Church of Scientology’s recruitment club just found its latest guest speaker.

Here’s more of Guy and his son (“Son? More like hostage!!!” hollered Madonna) riding around London on their bikes over the weekend.

Pics: Splash