I Didn’t Know That God Is An Oscar Voter

January 28, 2016 / Posted by:

Fresh off from shoveling snow off of the driveways of Oscar voters in the Northeast (he didn’t do that, I think) and personally delivering 200,000 bottles of water with “Vote 4 Leo” on the label to Flint, Michigan (he didn’t do that either, I think), Leonardo DiCatchAHo took his ass to the Vatican to meet up with the ~cool~ Pope. Pope Franny is probably thinking to himself, “Bless this thirsty trick’s heart…” And Leo is probably resisting the urge to motorboat that big, white chichi on the Pope’s head.

Leo is really making sure that when he wins the Oscar next month, he can say, “Thanks, God,” and mean it. Leo had a quick kiki with God’s Catholic ambassador inside of the Apostolic Palace at the Vatican today and I’m sure he asked the pope to pray for him to win that Oscar, but ABC News says he was mostly there to talk about climate change. Before they got into that, Leo gave Pope Fran Fran a book of works by the 15th-century Dutch painter Hieronymus Bosch. Leo told the Pope that a copy of Bosch’s “Garden of Earthly Delights” hung over his crib as a baby (File that under: Things that explain everything).

Leo used that painting to move into the topic of the environment. Leo is slick:

DiCaprio said he thought the painting also represented Francis’ environmental concerns.

Francis’ encyclical Laudato Si (Praise Be) has been embraced by environmentalists for its denunciation of the world’s fossil fuel-based economy and its demand for greener energy sources.

An assistant then handed Francis an envelope and explained it was a check for the pope to use for charity works “close to your heart.”

Di Caprio, nominated for an Oscar for his role in “The Revenant,” is a longtime environmental campaigner who in 1998 launched his Leonardo DiCaprio Foundation to support initiatives aimed at sustainability.

I can hear some of you cynical whores saying that you bet Leo traveled to Vatican City in a private jet, a helicopter and a Hummer, but think again. Sources tell me that Leonardo traveled from New York to Italy on the back of a whale and he got to the Vatican by taking a piggyback ride on Lukas Haas, thankyouverymuch!


Pic: AP

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