It Was Really Only A Matter Of Time….

December 30, 2015 / Posted by:

I don’t know the name of the puppetmaster in charge of Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton’s relationship, but I think it’s safe to say they deserve the biggest of holiday bonuses and their own wing in the Shameless Hall of Fame for this.

For the past two months, Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton have been working their post-divorce rebound love like the rent is two months overdue, and I naturally just assumed those predictable bitches would save a pregnancy rumor for sweeps week in February. But Gwen and Blake’s chronic dehydration is clearly much worse than we thought, and those thirsty tricks couldn’t wait. According to In Touch, Gwen Stefani is knocked-up with Blake Shelton’s baby. A source says that Gwen and Blake are “overjoyed“, adding that Blake “always wanted to have kids and now his dream is coming true.

If this shit is true, this will be 46-year-old Gwen’s fourth kid and 39-year-old Blake’s first. No word on when Gwen will announce this completely true and not-at-all manufactured in the marketing department at The Voice news, but I’m sure it will involve a spinning red chair, with Gwen revealing the gender during a public FaceTime call at Disneyland.

The cynic in me side-eyed this “breaking news” so hard I sprained a corneal nerve. But the wine-drunk optimist in me just realized that if this news is true, then we’re less than 9 months away from one of Gwen’s signature bonkers baby names. If Gwen’s latest “Have I mentioned I’m dating a country boy?” couture is any indication, I fully expect her to bring the Hee Haw hard. Personally, my money is on either Skoal Boot Reba (buckshot noise) Walmart Stefani-Shelton, or TheVoiceMondaysandTuesdaysat8pmonNBC.

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