One of the most important cases in the history of law, Australia vs. Boo & Pistol’s Mom, will go to trial. Amber Heard’s lawyers said today that she will plead not guilty to pissing on Australia’s immigration laws by illegally smuggling her Yorkies, Boo and Pistol, into the country on Johnny Depp’s private jet. I really hope that this riveting case becomes the focus of American Crime Story next season. They can call it Australian Crime Story: Barnaby Joyce vs Boo & Pistol’s Mom and Sarah Paulson’s Marcia Clark wig can be straightened out and dyed to play Boo.
All the way back in July, Amber Heard was charged with two counts of illegally importing her Yorkies into the country and one count of producing a false document. Amber and Johnny smuggled the dogs in on his private jet. He was in Australia to shoot the latest Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Australia’s immigration laws state that dogs must be quarantined for at least 10 days. Amber was the one who went down for the Yorkie smuggling because Boo and Pistol are registered in her name. (And because she’s the least famous of the two, I’m guessing.)
Both Johnny and Amber pretty much laughed at the charges. Amber said in so many words that Australia’s agriculture minister Barnaby Joyce is a fame whore. Johnny said that he’ll fly to Australia and kick Barnaby Joyce’s ass if his wife goes to the clink. But Amber played it much differently in a statement that was 100% written by her and not by a publicist or lawyer who uses words like “whilst.”
“Whilst I am unable to comment on the specific matters before the Court I would like to say that I respect the importance of Australia’s laws. My decision to defend these charges, as will become apparent in the appropriate forum of the Court, is not intended in any way to diminish the importance of Australia’s laws.”
I don’t think Amber Heard wrote that statement, because if she did, it would say, “Fuck you Australian cunts, I’m Amber Heard,” and nothing more.
Next week, the court will announce a start date for the case. The Telegraph says that Amber’s lawyers are pushing for the case to be heard in February. She could (but won’t) get up to 10 years in prison and have to pay a $102,000 fine.
The Oscars are happening on February 28, 2016 and Johnny Depp may get a nomination for that Black Mass shit and The Danish Girl, which Amber is in, will definitely get some nominations. So I don’t know why Amber wants her case to be heard before then. She is gambling with getting camera time at the Oscars! What if for some strange reason the court actually finds her, a celebrity, guilty and sentences her to prison? She wouldn’t be able to bust out her signature try-hard poses next to a bloated rack of scarves at the Oscars and that would be the punishment of all punishments.